bitch, bitch, bitch.

[kellinator]

You know, days weeks like today, I kind of wish I had a cock. Just so I could tell people to suck it.

Maybe I'll go to Lollipop and get a huge realistic-looking dildo and carry it with me everywhere. And when somebody pisses me off, I'll rip it out and tell them to suck my cock.

Comments

[ex-shiggity.livejournal.com]

you are my hero.

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Just get a stuffed rooster.

[twochicsinbham.livejournal.com]

Ain't penis envy grand? ;)

[bossieboots.livejournal.com]

I had a friend in high school who did exactly like that.

[idioticpoet.livejournal.com]

I keep thinking that thought, and even expressing it now and again. In either case, it hasn't done me much good.

*tosses his schlong at you*

You might be more successful than I.

[ydnic.livejournal.com]

Lack thereof didn't stop Demi Moore!

[hotcoffeems.livejournal.com]

"Mister, if I had a dick, this is the part where I'd tell you to suck it!" -- Betty White

I think it's generally a good idea to own a large, realistic dildo, and not necessarily for the obvious reasons.

[tyrantmouth.livejournal.com]

I've been known to carry a dildo, or whip it out of its usual home in the drawer under the bed, for the express purpose of cockslapping people.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

Don't spend too much on the dildo. You don't know where their mouths have been. ;)

[rocketmelee.livejournal.com]

Heh. There was a point in time when I was known to tell deserving parties to do just that... it really befuddled them.

(email coming soon! email coming soon!)

[sibylla.livejournal.com]

Please forgive the silliness, but rather than buying a huge dildo, which might be difficult to carry around in your purse, you could get a nicely shaped, large walnut (in the shell) and keep that in your purse instead. Then when people inflict their rank stupidity on you, you could pull it out, hold it in the appropriate place and invite them to suck your left nut.

[teague.livejournal.com]

Funny true story. I have a dildo, and I use it for the *ahem* normal tasks required of it, but it's kept clean and in good shape. I also have a gang of weird friends. (Hint: Vernard is considered conservative) So I go to pull my Jimmy out one day, actually to menace and harrass some of my guests, and lo and behold...teeth marks. Right on the head. To this day no one had fessed up to having so evilly scarred my Jimmy. I suppose the point to this would be that if you go get yourself a Jimmy to whip out and command others to suck, watch them so they don't bite.

(sort of related)

[missrachael.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who carried a jar of Grey Poupon around in his car for years. One day someone finally pulled up alongside and asked him the magic question, and he was ready.

[grniiis.livejournal.com]

Makes me think of Geena Davis in "The Long Kiss Goodnight". In the final action scene when she has blown up the bad guys, she says "Suck my dick!"

[mfree.livejournal.com]

This has more comedic value (http://pages.eagleridgecollectibles.com/cgi-bin/google.fcgi?itemKey=1922419722&store=%2Fstores%2Ferc&catId=Toys&itemNo=t00964)

:)

[darkmattr.livejournal.com]

Feel free to use mine in name.

"Someone pisses off Kelli"

SUCK HOWARD'S COCK!

[voltbang.livejournal.com]

All this talk is getting me hot...

[ardentdelirium.livejournal.com]

I tell people to suck my cock all the time. if they express interest in doing so or ask me where it is, I punch them in the head.

okay, I made that last part up.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

This is such a wonderful idea, it almost makes me wish I did not have the appropriate member, so I could do this.

Hmmm...perhaps I could carry a stuffed songbird around, and invite people to "suck my tit"?

A bearded tit, of course.