Kellinator Jones and the Temple of Snark

Is anyone reading this familiar with both The Shield and Days of Our Lives? I may be doing something completely demented for NaNoWriMo, and it's all James' fault. 

Is anyone here going to play Rift? Head start starts tomorrow and James and I are desperately trying to find a guild that doesn't suck on the Guardian side.

 It's election night and the only emotion I can summon up is a sense of relief that the political ads will go away for a while. 

 James and I are watching the 1989 Batman. (He called me from Best Buy a few weeks ago to tell me the four movies in that sequence were on sale for $10 and should he get it. I said "sure, if nothing else we can get drunk and make fun of Batman and Robin.") When the Joker destroyed his second tv, I wondered aloud if he had a new one delivered every day. James said "That's how you join the Joker's gang: you bring him a tv and if you survive the encounter, you're in."

I like the Michael Keaton Batman very much; he's very human. This is the same reason I consider him one of the least canonical versions of Batman. Of course everyone knows that as far as I'm concerned, the One True Batman is Kevin Conroy. Animated Series FTW.

I'm starting to think James was right when he said I was always thinking about Batman. I visited my family recently and my brother and I had a conversation where we covered all the stuff going on with us, then moved on to Batman. I told him that though it couldn't be shown obviously because it was nominally a kids' show, it's canon that during the time Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn teamed up, they weren't just partners in crime, if you know what I mean. He got the biggest grin on his face and said "now that's what I'm talking about!" 

We're now moving on to Batman Returns, which somehow I've never seen. By the time we get to Batman and Robin, we should be good and drunk. I'm just worried since somehow James hasn't seen Batman and Robin, he might decide he actually wants to watch it and then he won't want me to snark.

I just screamed "CHRISTOPHER WALKEN is in this?" James can never remember any actor's name, so he just said "who's Christopher Walken?" and I'm still bitching at him. 

ETA: I just counted and three of my last ten posts have something to do with Batman. Maybe James is right.

ETA2: "How have I never seen this movie before? It has KITTIES!!"

ETA3: The Christopher Nolan movies do a good job of actually keeping Batman in the picture. I think I've seen Keaton three times so far in this. 

ETA4: Keaton actually sold me on Bruce truly believing he and Selena could make it work. And the only thing cooler than penguins with missiles? Penguin pallbearers.

I just said to James "so much for the good Batman movies! Now on to the crappy Batman movies!" I mean, really? Going from the last scene of Batman Returns to the ridiculous "I'll get drive-thru" joke that starts Batman Forever? I remember how excited I was about the casting of Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, and then he just sucked. Not that that was all his fault, Schumacher. Really, what's the point of Two-Face if you don't do his origin story? 

I am not drunk enough for this. 

ETA5: GAHHHHHHHHHHH Kilmer sucks. He walks in as Bruce Wayne, knocks down a door, sees a bat in a Rorschach blot, and basically announces "I'm Batman! Have I mentioned I'm BATMAN?" (James adds "and the doctor is too stupid to notice.") I can't believe I didn't realize how much this movie sucked when I first saw it. The only good thing about it is Jim Carrey's whackadoodle performance. 

ETA6: I'm not even pretending to watch this gawdawful shit anymore. Instead I'm reading Wikipedia and getting pissed off over the DC Universe's universally shitty treatment of Crispus Allen.

ETA7: Cris Allen is now a Black Lantern? What the fuck is a Black Lantern anyway? DO SOMETHING RENEE!!!

ETA8: Not that my drunk ass can make sense of either Wikipedia or DC's cracked-out plotting, but apparently Cris Allen is dead again? I HATE YOU DC. I HATE YOU SO VERY MUCH. 

ETA9: I just screamed at Chris O'Donnell "you know why I hate you as Robin? Because you're a PUNK-ASS BITCH!! Robin is never a punk-ass bitch! Unless he's Jason Todd!"

In these movies, Alfred's main interest in life seems to be getting Bruce laid. 

ETA10: Generic Love Interest: Bruce, what are you trying to tell me?
James: That I'm a moron! 

ETA11: Oh no, you hit Alfred. If you hit Alfred you go to the special hell. At  least this Alfred. Michael Caine Alfred can defend himself.

ETA12: I just commented that a scene between Batman and Robin was slashy. James said "I know you read it in secret", which is actually not true. I watched the Star Trek Tic Tok video 500 times but that wasn't in secret. I said these movies lacked any sort of meaningful Bat-Relationship between Bats and Commissioner Gordon. James said he was surprised I didn't call it a Bat-Ship. We then got into a disturbing conversation about the difference between a relationship and a ship.

We just got to the "Holey rusted metal, Batman!" joke. I screamed "DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE!" at the screen. Thank you, TVTropes.

ETA13: Time for the MAIN EVENT, Batman and Robin. Man I hope I can make it through this. I also hope I can avoid a hangover, but at this point that may be unrealistic.

Batman and Robin starts with closeups of all the Bat-Anatomy. I saw this in the theater with my mother. How did I not die of embarrassment? At least the opening joke about why Superman works alone beats the drive-thru line (which was directly connected to a Taco Bell promotion if my memory serves me), 

Me: Why is he Mr. Freeze instead of Dr. Freeze? Because he seems like the kind of guy who would never let you forget that he's a doctor.
James: He doesn't have a lid on his car this time so he doesn't get shot at.
Me: That doesn't EVEN answer my question.

ETA14: Though he never got credit for it, Clooney is miles better as Batman than Kilmer. It's just that no one could tell because the movie is so outrageously bad you can't take your eyes off it, as opposed to Batman Forever which was boring enough to sleep through. 
 
ETA15: Performances like these are why I was so shocked when Uma turned out to be a revelation in Kill Bill.

Even by this series' standards, Ahhhhnold is ridiculous.

ETA16: This is turrable. I'm going to bed. 

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Miracle Whip on white sandwich bread, topped with white beans.

It might be the most white-bread thing known to man. *rimshot*

I started to claim this was my family's weird food combination, then I remembered it's just me and my dad who eat it.

I don't even have to tell you how disgusting James thinks this is, do I?

[Poll #1553517]

You probably already heard that irana passed away this morning. I don't really feel like I have the right to make this post; so many of you knew her so much better. Dude, I think she knew everyone in Atlanta. But people touch our lives in ways both great and small, so here goes.

I had to be introduced to Tasha like the first six times I met her. For some reason I could never remember her name! But she never held it against me; in fact, it became a running gag. Though we didn't see each other often, every time she greeted me I felt special, because it was always with joy. Joy and fun and living life to the fullest, those are the things I'll think of every time I remember her. 

Bye, Tasha. My life is richer for having known you, and poorer now that you're gone. Wherever you are, I hope there's a lot of cute yaoi boys. 

Pretty much every year I make a new year's resolution that I'm going to learn how to cook and actually do it, and since I make it every year you can guess how successful it is. I didn't make a resolution for it this year, I just kinda started doing it. The deep freeze was actually a real stroke of luck for me cooking-wise because when I realized how bad it was going to be that Thursday night, I looked through Everyday Food (I'd just gotten it recently after long coveting it -- James was skeptical at first, I think he thought it was just more food porn), made a list, and got enough groceries to last the weekend. So there I was with all the stuff I needed and it started to become more routine. Everything I've made so far from that cookbook has been excellent. I've been making a lot of pureed vegetable soups and crumbling up fresh whole-grain bread in them. It seems like I've been reading Mark Bittman for so long that it kinda feels like I hit a critical mass and finally internalized "eat food, not too much, mostly plants" (yeah, I know, that's actually Michael Pollan, not Bittman). (Right now we're working on the plants part and I'll worry about the not too much later.) James is even giving relatively good feedback considering what a picky eater he is, though at one point I did announce "you can not eat a pound of bacon every day, you will have a heart attack." 

I really think the most important thing is to stay away from the processed crap as much as possible and use fresh ingredients. 

Tonight: Butternut squash soup. Has anyone ever had their hands start peeling from handling butternut squash? Mine look like when we'd put glue all over our hands in elementary school so we could peel it off. 

I really hope I can keep from backsliding now that I've posted this. 

Some nice moments, and Timmy the little kid was surprisingly more adorable than annoying, but I wanna know who it was that decided what Christmas specials need is a douchebag protagonist, Office-style jokes that kids won't get and adults have already heard, and a theme that everyone hates their job no matter how cool it is, so I can beat that person with a stick till candy comes out.

I'm not certain if V actually was interesting last night or if I just thought it looked interesting in light of the last two boring episodes. I guess this question will only be answered in March when I decide whether to continue watching it or not.