Who are you and what the hell did you do with my mommy?!

[kellinator]

What's better than getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes?

Getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes from your mom.

I mean, how the hell am I supposed to pretend I don't get all these jokes when my mom's the one sending them to me? We're the family in denial. My brother goes in his room with his girlfriend and they turn out the lights and get under the covers and set the freakin' alarm and my parents at least pretend to believe that they're "taking naps." (And yes, hell would freeze over before they would let me get away with that because I'm a gir-rl. Don't even get me started on the double standards in my family, I'll never shut up.)

I've spent years trying to sound like I don't know anything about this stuff! ptwarhol's under standing orders that if I'm killed in a plane crash, he's supposed to get his ass over to my place and get rid of the condoms and vibrators before my parents show up! How the hell am I supposed to maintain my plausible deniability?

...On the other hand, does this mean now I can talk about sex with my mom? Because if she didn't have a heart attack or call me a slut, that would be pretty cool.

Comments

[sleepinbeauty.livejournal.com]

My mom sends me all kinds of stuff like that. I don't know why. It's worse getting such jokes from my father though, who also has the courtesy to send them.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

If my dad sent me one, I think I would cease to exist. Not so much because of the joke as shock that my father was sending an email.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

I really can't say, because I have marvelously cool parents. My mom is a bit too TMI, as a matter of fact, whereas my dad will send on the more tasteful jokes but leave me out of his personal life.

You know, it just enters a new level of squick when both your parents and your 80-year-old grandmother are all dating.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, your family sounds absolutely fascinating in a bizarre way.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

I'm planning my HBO Original Series based on my divorced life. Of course, no one will ever speak to me again once it airs. :)

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

I need to find a "porn buddy" (a term coined from my favorite British sitcom where your friend comes to clean your apartment of offending items upon my death. I wouldn't want dawneywawney to do it - that's a little TMI for a bereaved sister. And if my parents ever got nosy, they'd have twin strokes.

Of course, I never thought that they'd be considering leaving their religion either. Maybe by the time I die they'll be drinking and watching porn with me. Everything seems possible now.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

You know what the really sad thing is? I have nothing in my apartment that would shock my parents. Or my grandmother. She loves my smut books.

My life is too weird for me.

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

As I've said before, I want to be adopted by your parents. Of course, you are seriously lacking in "interesting" things. Next time I come to town, we need to go toy shopping, and I don't mean at Toys 'R' Us.

TMI

[reannon.livejournal.com]

It died. My last "toy." I WORE IT OUT. *whimper*

Re: TMI

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

Ah hon, don't worry. I could go on about this, but then it would really be TMI.

Re: TMI

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

That's when you buy a new one, silly. Geez, what kind of erotica author are you? ;)

Re: TMI

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

Oo! Is reannon an erotic author?

My favorite toy store is available online 24/7: www.blowfish.com. Worth a visit for the reviews ALONE.

Re: TMI

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Awww, HELL yes!! Did I not properly introduce you guys at DragonCon?

reannon is the author of the excellent vampire erotic thriller Nocturnal Urges:
http://www.ellorascave.com/productpage.asp?ISBN=1-4199-0004-8

And she's hard at work on the sequel, featuring a bitchy, cranky, punch-throwing detective named after yours truly.

C'mon, Ann. I know you like vampires...

Re: TMI

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

I just bought two Ellora's Cave ebooks. Market research. I'd've bought hers if I'd known, though. I'll get it next time.

Re: TMI

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

....but I could not pass up the title "Weather Balloons Make Rotten Sex Toys."

Haven't read it yet. Bit scared, actually.

Re: TMI

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Market research? Are you writing them too?

Re: TMI

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

And hey now! I'm busy helping my landlords with their website and will be pimping it here soon. :)

Re: TMI

[pokeyturtle.livejournal.com]

seconded! and man do they ever ship fast.

Re: TMI

[reannon.livejournal.com]

A broke, very very shy one.

Re: TMI

[maida-mac.livejournal.com]

I know how it is to be broke. Been there, done that. However, when you're not...

http://www.babeland.com/about/

I have to admit, I'm spoiled, since the original shop is here in Seattle. I've never had a better shopping experience in my life, though.

I'm just saying...

</ADVICE FROM RANDOM STRANGER>

[taiste.livejournal.com]

You have vibrators???

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

*puzzled* Doesn't everyone?

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

One for every muscle in my body, bay-bee.


...Oh. Never mind.


*g*

[cotharyus.livejournal.com]

I don't even begin to know how to help you with this. Crude jokes are one thing, but I couldn't even begin to imagine discussing sex with either of my parents. My curiosity led in large part to my own deviant state of existance as a teen. Sex always existed, it just wasn't discussed at my house.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I think I'll probably just stick with the crude jokes. ;)

[atomicnumber51.livejournal.com]

Hell would freeze over before I discussed my sex life with my mother. No matter how cool she pretends to be.

I'll be pregnant with my first child and refusing to admit to the conception ;-)

From one on the other end of the spectrum…

[kmn-rdr-caoimhe.livejournal.com]

Hell, I have to make my mom shut up about sex, sometimes. I mean, good for her that she's still gittin' it on at 48, but I didn't need to hear about how you were able to get him to sit up and take notice when you chewed him out and broke out your big pink dildo that I found when you made me rifle though your purse to get your wallet that one time. *shudder*

Bad Mom. BAD! *thwap*

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Feeling very lucky over here. I've talked about sex somewhat with my mom.

Now that she has a bf, I guess it'll come up more often.

[ptwarhol.livejournal.com]

Is there a market for recycled sex toys?

[stevietee.livejournal.com]

This is the exact reason I hate watching L&O with my parents sometimes, because every once and awhile, you know, they'll have a kinky sex death and I have to deal with my internal organs freezing while I hope neither of them asks, "What are they talking about? I don't get it." Whenever that happens, I just sort of shrug and mumble something about how L&O isn't as good as it used to be.