Who are you and what the hell did you do with my mommy?!

[kellinator]

What's better than getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes?

Getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes from your mom.

I mean, how the hell am I supposed to pretend I don't get all these jokes when my mom's the one sending them to me? We're the family in denial. My brother goes in his room with his girlfriend and they turn out the lights and get under the covers and set the freakin' alarm and my parents at least pretend to believe that they're "taking naps." (And yes, hell would freeze over before they would let me get away with that because I'm a gir-rl. Don't even get me started on the double standards in my family, I'll never shut up.)

I've spent years trying to sound like I don't know anything about this stuff! ptwarhol's under standing orders that if I'm killed in a plane crash, he's supposed to get his ass over to my place and get rid of the condoms and vibrators before my parents show up! How the hell am I supposed to maintain my plausible deniability?

...On the other hand, does this mean now I can talk about sex with my mom? Because if she didn't have a heart attack or call me a slut, that would be pretty cool.

Comments

[sleepinbeauty.livejournal.com]

My mom sends me all kinds of stuff like that. I don't know why. It's worse getting such jokes from my father though, who also has the courtesy to send them.

[reannon.livejournal.com]

I really can't say, because I have marvelously cool parents. My mom is a bit too TMI, as a matter of fact, whereas my dad will send on the more tasteful jokes but leave me out of his personal life.

You know, it just enters a new level of squick when both your parents and your 80-year-old grandmother are all dating.

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

I need to find a "porn buddy" (a term coined from my favorite British sitcom where your friend comes to clean your apartment of offending items upon my death. I wouldn't want dawneywawney to do it - that's a little TMI for a bereaved sister. And if my parents ever got nosy, they'd have twin strokes.

Of course, I never thought that they'd be considering leaving their religion either. Maybe by the time I die they'll be drinking and watching porn with me. Everything seems possible now.

[taiste.livejournal.com]

You have vibrators???

[cotharyus.livejournal.com]

I don't even begin to know how to help you with this. Crude jokes are one thing, but I couldn't even begin to imagine discussing sex with either of my parents. My curiosity led in large part to my own deviant state of existance as a teen. Sex always existed, it just wasn't discussed at my house.

[atomicnumber51.livejournal.com]

Hell would freeze over before I discussed my sex life with my mother. No matter how cool she pretends to be.

I'll be pregnant with my first child and refusing to admit to the conception ;-)

From one on the other end of the spectrum…

[kmn-rdr-caoimhe.livejournal.com]

Hell, I have to make my mom shut up about sex, sometimes. I mean, good for her that she's still gittin' it on at 48, but I didn't need to hear about how you were able to get him to sit up and take notice when you chewed him out and broke out your big pink dildo that I found when you made me rifle though your purse to get your wallet that one time. *shudder*

Bad Mom. BAD! *thwap*

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Feeling very lucky over here. I've talked about sex somewhat with my mom.

Now that she has a bf, I guess it'll come up more often.

[ptwarhol.livejournal.com]

Is there a market for recycled sex toys?

[stevietee.livejournal.com]

This is the exact reason I hate watching L&O with my parents sometimes, because every once and awhile, you know, they'll have a kinky sex death and I have to deal with my internal organs freezing while I hope neither of them asks, "What are they talking about? I don't get it." Whenever that happens, I just sort of shrug and mumble something about how L&O isn't as good as it used to be.