Sucky weekend
Dec. 10th, 2001 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kellinatorThe suck factor of the weekend is compounded by the fact that I just lost this damn post and now have to type it again.
The best part of the weekend by far was seeing Harry Potter with A on Friday night. It was just wonderful, and I can't wait to resume reading the books. I wish I weren't just a Muggle... And I concur with Natalia, Snape was fine. Mmmmmm.... Alan Rickman... yummmmmy.
Unfortunately, the rest of the weekend was not so yummy. D and I had our second date Saturday night, and it was a hot-and-cold, or rather a lukewarm-and-cold, affair. I can't read him. One moment he's confiding in me, the next he's implying that his "issues" make a relationship impractical for him. (Which makes me want to ask him why he put an ad in the "relationship" section of the website in the first place.) One moment he's saying he's tired and needs to call it a night at 9 pm, the next he's talking with me in the parking lot for an hour and a half. No goodnight kiss... wouldn't the vast majority of red-blooded American males have tried one by now, even if the girl weren't that cute? Unfortunately, I have no answers, and my quest for useful information has led me into a couple of Dumbass Moments (and really, you don't have to tell me this makes me look like a stalker, I already know, much to my humiliation):
Dumbass Moment #1:
Twenty minutes after the date, I called him all full of fire and ready to tell him he's not obligated to spend time with me if he doesn't want to, but something got lost in the translation from my brain to my mouth:
Me: Did you have a good time? You seemed bored.
Him: No, I had a good time.
Me: Good. I'll talk to you later.
The humiliation of this moment sent me into a spectacular mood-swing best not discussed at this time.
Dumbass Moment #2:
Despite lots of good advice, my own best judgment, and a Post-It note in my own handwriting affixed to my cell, I called him tonight, full of similar resolve, which of course evaporated as I held the phone in my hand. He answered with a cheery "Hi Kelly!!" which had me convinced he was happy to hear from me, then announced a minute into the conversation that he had company and couldn't talk now. I told him to call me when it was convenient (mentally beating my head against a brick wall) and hung up, thoroughly demoralized.
It's all in his court now, like I guess it always was. A told me that there's a natural order to things, man pursues girl, and didn't understand why I got so upset. Of course I'm upset! I'm used to controlling my own life, and to be told that in this crucial area I must stand to the side like a supporting character in a Jane Austen novel to see who asks me to dance is humiliating and dehumanizing!!!
Sigh. One of these days...
The best part of the weekend by far was seeing Harry Potter with A on Friday night. It was just wonderful, and I can't wait to resume reading the books. I wish I weren't just a Muggle... And I concur with Natalia, Snape was fine. Mmmmmm.... Alan Rickman... yummmmmy.
Unfortunately, the rest of the weekend was not so yummy. D and I had our second date Saturday night, and it was a hot-and-cold, or rather a lukewarm-and-cold, affair. I can't read him. One moment he's confiding in me, the next he's implying that his "issues" make a relationship impractical for him. (Which makes me want to ask him why he put an ad in the "relationship" section of the website in the first place.) One moment he's saying he's tired and needs to call it a night at 9 pm, the next he's talking with me in the parking lot for an hour and a half. No goodnight kiss... wouldn't the vast majority of red-blooded American males have tried one by now, even if the girl weren't that cute? Unfortunately, I have no answers, and my quest for useful information has led me into a couple of Dumbass Moments (and really, you don't have to tell me this makes me look like a stalker, I already know, much to my humiliation):
Dumbass Moment #1:
Twenty minutes after the date, I called him all full of fire and ready to tell him he's not obligated to spend time with me if he doesn't want to, but something got lost in the translation from my brain to my mouth:
Me: Did you have a good time? You seemed bored.
Him: No, I had a good time.
Me: Good. I'll talk to you later.
The humiliation of this moment sent me into a spectacular mood-swing best not discussed at this time.
Dumbass Moment #2:
Despite lots of good advice, my own best judgment, and a Post-It note in my own handwriting affixed to my cell, I called him tonight, full of similar resolve, which of course evaporated as I held the phone in my hand. He answered with a cheery "Hi Kelly!!" which had me convinced he was happy to hear from me, then announced a minute into the conversation that he had company and couldn't talk now. I told him to call me when it was convenient (mentally beating my head against a brick wall) and hung up, thoroughly demoralized.
It's all in his court now, like I guess it always was. A told me that there's a natural order to things, man pursues girl, and didn't understand why I got so upset. Of course I'm upset! I'm used to controlling my own life, and to be told that in this crucial area I must stand to the side like a supporting character in a Jane Austen novel to see who asks me to dance is humiliating and dehumanizing!!!
Sigh. One of these days...
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Smooching for Dummies
Date: 2001-12-10 12:46 am (UTC)I've kissed exactly one person on a first date. And in some ways, that's fucked me up worse than the relationships that have gone farther. Only one other have I kissed when knowing her less than a month.
Is my problem that I try so hard to be a gentleman that they all assume I'm not interested? Should I start taking tips from these borderline date rapists (alpha males, Naomi Wolf calls 'em) whom I always see hanging all over their woman at bars?
This isn't rhetorical. Your frustration with this guy sounds much like mine was with The Girl, though his behaviour sounds like a mix of hers and mine. I'm wondering if I was too polite for my own good.
no subject
Date: 2001-12-25 08:56 pm (UTC)*Ahem*. As a woman who has pursued more than her 'fair share' of men, and indeed, about half of my longterm relationships have been with men I went after, I need to say that 'A' is full of shit. I've rarely had any problems with such things (Jack, who I dated for about a year, started dating me after a) I intentionally made him win a Fluxx game, b) made sure he knew I had done it because I thought he was cute c) had a friend post a message for him to call me to a mailing list I knew he was on because I had no email at the time (I was visiting Boston). Not a problem. Every time I've dated Chris it's started with me saying 'I am attracted to you.'
It's the way you pursue, not the fact as a woman you're pursuing (this is not to say you're necessarily doing anything wrong; I haven't seen. SOmetimes things just don't work). As I found out myself, Need is obvious and does put prospective partners of both genders off.
Incidentally, on the 'never kiss on a first date' thing...yeah, a guy who didn't kiss me at the end of a good date, first or otherwise, would say to me 'Oh, not interested.' But then I gave the man I wound up marrying a blowjob the first night we met (we weren't even dating, we were just at an SF con), I slept with Jack the second night we saw each other (when he'd responded to the thing I had a friend post), and frequently wind up in bed with people quickly. Different strokes (uhm), I guess, but I would definitely be put off if, after a definite date where I'd felt there was chemistry, I got dropped off with a handshake.