It's all in his court now, like I guess it always was. A told me that there's a natural order to things, man pursues girl, and didn't understand why I got so upset.
*Ahem*. As a woman who has pursued more than her 'fair share' of men, and indeed, about half of my longterm relationships have been with men I went after, I need to say that 'A' is full of shit. I've rarely had any problems with such things (Jack, who I dated for about a year, started dating me after a) I intentionally made him win a Fluxx game, b) made sure he knew I had done it because I thought he was cute c) had a friend post a message for him to call me to a mailing list I knew he was on because I had no email at the time (I was visiting Boston). Not a problem. Every time I've dated Chris it's started with me saying 'I am attracted to you.'
It's the way you pursue, not the fact as a woman you're pursuing (this is not to say you're necessarily doing anything wrong; I haven't seen. SOmetimes things just don't work). As I found out myself, Need is obvious and does put prospective partners of both genders off.
Incidentally, on the 'never kiss on a first date' thing...yeah, a guy who didn't kiss me at the end of a good date, first or otherwise, would say to me 'Oh, not interested.' But then I gave the man I wound up marrying a blowjob the first night we met (we weren't even dating, we were just at an SF con), I slept with Jack the second night we saw each other (when he'd responded to the thing I had a friend post), and frequently wind up in bed with people quickly. Different strokes (uhm), I guess, but I would definitely be put off if, after a definite date where I'd felt there was chemistry, I got dropped off with a handshake.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2001-12-25 08:56 pm (UTC)*Ahem*. As a woman who has pursued more than her 'fair share' of men, and indeed, about half of my longterm relationships have been with men I went after, I need to say that 'A' is full of shit. I've rarely had any problems with such things (Jack, who I dated for about a year, started dating me after a) I intentionally made him win a Fluxx game, b) made sure he knew I had done it because I thought he was cute c) had a friend post a message for him to call me to a mailing list I knew he was on because I had no email at the time (I was visiting Boston). Not a problem. Every time I've dated Chris it's started with me saying 'I am attracted to you.'
It's the way you pursue, not the fact as a woman you're pursuing (this is not to say you're necessarily doing anything wrong; I haven't seen. SOmetimes things just don't work). As I found out myself, Need is obvious and does put prospective partners of both genders off.
Incidentally, on the 'never kiss on a first date' thing...yeah, a guy who didn't kiss me at the end of a good date, first or otherwise, would say to me 'Oh, not interested.' But then I gave the man I wound up marrying a blowjob the first night we met (we weren't even dating, we were just at an SF con), I slept with Jack the second night we saw each other (when he'd responded to the thing I had a friend post), and frequently wind up in bed with people quickly. Different strokes (uhm), I guess, but I would definitely be put off if, after a definite date where I'd felt there was chemistry, I got dropped off with a handshake.