I honestly ask myself this almost every day. =( *hugs* It seems I've gone from "nice" to "angry." I have to hope that our nice person is still locked away somewhere.... =/
*hugs* Stop carrying it around. Anger exists to warn you that you're being violated. Draw a boundary and don't be afraid to enforce it. You're worth it. =-)
sujata is right on with her comment to you -- more than she realizes. I'm thinking of you and hoping you just say "to hell with him" and do what's best for you. Fuck him! He's a selfish little boy. (Sorry if I'm being too blunt -- I don't know what tact is.)
sujata is right on with her comment to you -- more than she realizes.
I have an eerie talent for doing that. Which I really need to find a way to stop doing, otherwise one of these days I'm likely to scare myself, that way. :-D
Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Problem is, the repressed anger doesn't seem to hit the correct target usually, but I guess that would be why it's repressed in the first place. :P
With my therapist's help, I've developed a two-pronged solution to that problem:
1) To deal with other people's anger, I try to keep in mind that people may have stuff going on that I don't know about. If one of my friends blows his or her stack at me, I remind myself that their anger may not be toward me at all. Then I try to wait a bit for my friend to calm down, and then ask them to explain why they became so upset.
2) To deal with my own anger, I likewise remind myself that I may be letting other issues color my feelings toward the person I've become angry at. I try to let the person know I'm upset, but I ask if we can talk about it later. That way I give myself time to calm down and consider who or what else I may be angry about, besides whatever the person of the moment just said or did.
(Mind you, I haven't mastered this approach, yet. But you know what they say. Practice, practice, practice.... *grin*)
Excellent advice. Wish I'd heard it sooner, but ah well. :P I tend to take every negative emotion from everyone else to heart, and it's done some nasty things to me lately. Hopefully I can somehow learn not to let things get to me so badly. Thanks.
I've been having that same issue - my only two emotions lately seem to be anger and hurt. *hugs* I hope that you feel less angry soon. I know that it's a pretty sickening feeling.
My therapist (uh-oh, I'm going to start channeling Tina, if this keeps up!) also says that hurt and depression are what happen when we don't heed our anger, which is our warning system that we're being harmed. Sounds like maybe you aren't letting yourself be angry as much as you should.
It's okay to stand up for yourself. You're not going to break anyone; human beings are remarkably resilient.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 01:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 01:57 pm (UTC)But my therapist says depression is all about repressed anger.
And what happens when you stop repressing all that anger?
It doesn't mean you stop being a nice person. It just means you won't put up with being shat upon anymnore. :-)
*hugs* to
*hugs* to Kelly
-- Molly
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 02:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 05:54 pm (UTC)I have an eerie talent for doing that. Which I really need to find a way to stop doing, otherwise one of these days I'm likely to scare myself, that way. :-D
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 05:45 pm (UTC)1) To deal with other people's anger, I try to keep in mind that people may have stuff going on that I don't know about. If one of my friends blows his or her stack at me, I remind myself that their anger may not be toward me at all. Then I try to wait a bit for my friend to calm down, and then ask them to explain why they became so upset.
2) To deal with my own anger, I likewise remind myself that I may be letting other issues color my feelings toward the person I've become angry at. I try to let the person know I'm upset, but I ask if we can talk about it later. That way I give myself time to calm down and consider who or what else I may be angry about, besides whatever the person of the moment just said or did.
(Mind you, I haven't mastered this approach, yet. But you know what they say. Practice, practice, practice.... *grin*)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:16 pm (UTC)Thanks, though, I'm honored. And I'm adding you back on faith. (
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 04:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:29 pm (UTC)It's okay to stand up for yourself. You're not going to break anyone; human beings are remarkably resilient.
*hugs* and good luck! :-)
-- Molly