Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Problem is, the repressed anger doesn't seem to hit the correct target usually, but I guess that would be why it's repressed in the first place. :P
With my therapist's help, I've developed a two-pronged solution to that problem:
1) To deal with other people's anger, I try to keep in mind that people may have stuff going on that I don't know about. If one of my friends blows his or her stack at me, I remind myself that their anger may not be toward me at all. Then I try to wait a bit for my friend to calm down, and then ask them to explain why they became so upset.
2) To deal with my own anger, I likewise remind myself that I may be letting other issues color my feelings toward the person I've become angry at. I try to let the person know I'm upset, but I ask if we can talk about it later. That way I give myself time to calm down and consider who or what else I may be angry about, besides whatever the person of the moment just said or did.
(Mind you, I haven't mastered this approach, yet. But you know what they say. Practice, practice, practice.... *grin*)
Excellent advice. Wish I'd heard it sooner, but ah well. :P I tend to take every negative emotion from everyone else to heart, and it's done some nasty things to me lately. Hopefully I can somehow learn not to let things get to me so badly. Thanks.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 05:45 pm (UTC)1) To deal with other people's anger, I try to keep in mind that people may have stuff going on that I don't know about. If one of my friends blows his or her stack at me, I remind myself that their anger may not be toward me at all. Then I try to wait a bit for my friend to calm down, and then ask them to explain why they became so upset.
2) To deal with my own anger, I likewise remind myself that I may be letting other issues color my feelings toward the person I've become angry at. I try to let the person know I'm upset, but I ask if we can talk about it later. That way I give myself time to calm down and consider who or what else I may be angry about, besides whatever the person of the moment just said or did.
(Mind you, I haven't mastered this approach, yet. But you know what they say. Practice, practice, practice.... *grin*)
no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-12 06:16 pm (UTC)Thanks, though, I'm honored. And I'm adding you back on faith. (