sad little Kelly

[kellinator]

I feel like God has abandoned me.

I know everyone thinks it's just the breakup, but it's really not. It's also my misery in grad school. I've gone from the top of the heap to feeling like a fraud and a failure. I've gone from loving what I do to barely doing enough to get by. It's also the fact that lately friends are abandoning me right and left. It's the fact that I try as hard as I can to be a good person and not only does no one appreciate it, no one even seems to notice.

I made it through high school by telling myself that I would get out and things would get better. Now I find myself in my twenties -- which are just like your teen years, only with higher stakes -- and I can no longer convince myself of that.

I just want to grab the cats and some ice cream and lock myself in my apartment.

Comments

[elvis-christ.livejournal.com]

You know...if your "friends" are abandoning you, then they weren't really your friends in the first place. A true friend is someone you can count on to be there for you. And a friendship like that is reciprocal. I can count my real friends on the fingers of one hand with a few fingers left over...makes me think of a Dylan lyric..."Everybody said they'd stand behind me when the game got rough...but the joke was on me, there was no one even there to bluff"...(Seems like if there are words for it, you can probably find them somewhere in a Dylan song. Heh. But I digress.) And this sort of thing is something more people than you realize go through...think of it as a "quarter-life crisis". In your twenties, wondering if you're in the right field, if maybe you haven't just wasted the last five or six years of your life, not sure WHAT the fuck you really want to do...(sad statistic for you: Studies show that 74% of college grads don't truly KNOW what it was they wanted to major in until they're 27. By which time it's 5 years too late.)
Damn. I'm sorry...I'm not very cheery either, it seems...I'll see if maybe I can find a good book to loan you. Heh. Perhaps that will help some.