sad little Kelly

[kellinator]

I feel like God has abandoned me.

I know everyone thinks it's just the breakup, but it's really not. It's also my misery in grad school. I've gone from the top of the heap to feeling like a fraud and a failure. I've gone from loving what I do to barely doing enough to get by. It's also the fact that lately friends are abandoning me right and left. It's the fact that I try as hard as I can to be a good person and not only does no one appreciate it, no one even seems to notice.

I made it through high school by telling myself that I would get out and things would get better. Now I find myself in my twenties -- which are just like your teen years, only with higher stakes -- and I can no longer convince myself of that.

I just want to grab the cats and some ice cream and lock myself in my apartment.

Comments

[elizabethf.livejournal.com]

I used to do this...you can't wait for things to improve. there's always going to be something in your life to hold you back and keep you down. You have to learn to overcome situational depression. Situations and circumstances do not define who you are. YOU define who you are.

[alera.livejournal.com]

i wish I could say something that would help.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Any advice on how to do that?

Re:

[elizabethf.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm not really sure *how* but it has something to do with not giving a flying fuck what others think!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I've been working on that... along with calling a spade a spade, but that one just seems to piss people off.

Re:

[elizabethf.livejournal.com]

Well, fuck em if they cant take the truth!

[tygerlilly.livejournal.com]

"Making it real
Our creative dreams so often stay in our heads, inside drawers, or in journals that we stop opening. We forget the power of a real thing. When you give a creative dream form, shape, color or design, it can travel without you to new lands. It then has its own life and is able to speak for itself..."
-excerpt from SARK quote.
I saw this quote on Monday and it really started making me think about my own dreams and getting out there and fulfilling them. I'm not sure if this quote will do anything or mean anything to you, but just think about it for a minute. What is something that you really want to do? That you really want to achieve that you might be too scared to try right now. And then ask yourself, why not?
By the way, thanks for replying to my first entry in livejournal (: I hope you feel better soon, and if you ever want to talk, you can always contact me.

[mightywombat.livejournal.com]

SARK rocks!

[polychromatic22.livejournal.com]

God can't abandon you sweetie, only you can.

And as if it's something you keep stock in, I'm not abandoning you. :)
love and hugs

[elvis-christ.livejournal.com]

You know...if your "friends" are abandoning you, then they weren't really your friends in the first place. A true friend is someone you can count on to be there for you. And a friendship like that is reciprocal. I can count my real friends on the fingers of one hand with a few fingers left over...makes me think of a Dylan lyric..."Everybody said they'd stand behind me when the game got rough...but the joke was on me, there was no one even there to bluff"...(Seems like if there are words for it, you can probably find them somewhere in a Dylan song. Heh. But I digress.) And this sort of thing is something more people than you realize go through...think of it as a "quarter-life crisis". In your twenties, wondering if you're in the right field, if maybe you haven't just wasted the last five or six years of your life, not sure WHAT the fuck you really want to do...(sad statistic for you: Studies show that 74% of college grads don't truly KNOW what it was they wanted to major in until they're 27. By which time it's 5 years too late.)
Damn. I'm sorry...I'm not very cheery either, it seems...I'll see if maybe I can find a good book to loan you. Heh. Perhaps that will help some.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Kellinator,

Now, I don't know you or your friends (just a faithful reader), but have you entertained the notion that maybe they have just pulled back a little? Are you possibly "dumping on them" a little too much too fast? It's just something I've seen before, people having limited appetites for drama so to speak. It's natural.

Just a thought,
S.