Wanted: Your dirty jokes!!

[kellinator]

As some of you know, I, along with jerseygirl1, wandergirl, and jplantyhamchuk, visit a gentleman named Tim. Tim has a degenerative mitochondrial disease (as described in this article: http://www.atlanta.creativeloafing.com/2003-01-22/cover.html ; I'm actually the "Georgia State researcher" mentioned in the first paragraph, though I'm not really), which means he can't move or speak, but his mind is fine. He communicates with us through moving his eyes. Occasionally if he likes something he will break into a wonderful smile. I'll never forget how happy I was the first time I got him to smile.

Well, this is all a roundabout way of saying... Tim loves dirty jokes. I showed him the South Park movie last night and he grinned through "Uncle Fucker." Unfortunately, my stock of dirty jokes is depleted. Help me out, please?

Comments

Some more (pt 7)

[canciona.livejournal.com]

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."



Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose

Q: Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A: Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

Q: What's the difference between an ironing board and a blonde?
A: It's hard to get an ironing board's legs open

Q: Why did Disneyland fail in Japan?
A: Because no one's tall enough to ride the good rides.

Q: What's the definition of safe sex in West Virginia?
A: Branding the sheep that kick.

Q: Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Because they can..




Subject: The Cabbie

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see but there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What??? Get the hell out of my cab!!"

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."

The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.