kellinator: (Default)
 James and I are watching the 1989 Batman. (He called me from Best Buy a few weeks ago to tell me the four movies in that sequence were on sale for $10 and should he get it. I said "sure, if nothing else we can get drunk and make fun of Batman and Robin.") When the Joker destroyed his second tv, I wondered aloud if he had a new one delivered every day. James said "That's how you join the Joker's gang: you bring him a tv and if you survive the encounter, you're in."

I like the Michael Keaton Batman very much; he's very human. This is the same reason I consider him one of the least canonical versions of Batman. Of course everyone knows that as far as I'm concerned, the One True Batman is Kevin Conroy. Animated Series FTW.

I'm starting to think James was right when he said I was always thinking about Batman. I visited my family recently and my brother and I had a conversation where we covered all the stuff going on with us, then moved on to Batman. I told him that though it couldn't be shown obviously because it was nominally a kids' show, it's canon that during the time Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn teamed up, they weren't just partners in crime, if you know what I mean. He got the biggest grin on his face and said "now that's what I'm talking about!" 

We're now moving on to Batman Returns, which somehow I've never seen. By the time we get to Batman and Robin, we should be good and drunk. I'm just worried since somehow James hasn't seen Batman and Robin, he might decide he actually wants to watch it and then he won't want me to snark.

I just screamed "CHRISTOPHER WALKEN is in this?" James can never remember any actor's name, so he just said "who's Christopher Walken?" and I'm still bitching at him. 

ETA: I just counted and three of my last ten posts have something to do with Batman. Maybe James is right.

ETA2: "How have I never seen this movie before? It has KITTIES!!"

ETA3: The Christopher Nolan movies do a good job of actually keeping Batman in the picture. I think I've seen Keaton three times so far in this. 

ETA4: Keaton actually sold me on Bruce truly believing he and Selena could make it work. And the only thing cooler than penguins with missiles? Penguin pallbearers.

I just said to James "so much for the good Batman movies! Now on to the crappy Batman movies!" I mean, really? Going from the last scene of Batman Returns to the ridiculous "I'll get drive-thru" joke that starts Batman Forever? I remember how excited I was about the casting of Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, and then he just sucked. Not that that was all his fault, Schumacher. Really, what's the point of Two-Face if you don't do his origin story? 

I am not drunk enough for this. 

ETA5: GAHHHHHHHHHHH Kilmer sucks. He walks in as Bruce Wayne, knocks down a door, sees a bat in a Rorschach blot, and basically announces "I'm Batman! Have I mentioned I'm BATMAN?" (James adds "and the doctor is too stupid to notice.") I can't believe I didn't realize how much this movie sucked when I first saw it. The only good thing about it is Jim Carrey's whackadoodle performance. 

ETA6: I'm not even pretending to watch this gawdawful shit anymore. Instead I'm reading Wikipedia and getting pissed off over the DC Universe's universally shitty treatment of Crispus Allen.

ETA7: Cris Allen is now a Black Lantern? What the fuck is a Black Lantern anyway? DO SOMETHING RENEE!!!

ETA8: Not that my drunk ass can make sense of either Wikipedia or DC's cracked-out plotting, but apparently Cris Allen is dead again? I HATE YOU DC. I HATE YOU SO VERY MUCH. 

ETA9: I just screamed at Chris O'Donnell "you know why I hate you as Robin? Because you're a PUNK-ASS BITCH!! Robin is never a punk-ass bitch! Unless he's Jason Todd!"

In these movies, Alfred's main interest in life seems to be getting Bruce laid. 

ETA10: Generic Love Interest: Bruce, what are you trying to tell me?
James: That I'm a moron! 

ETA11: Oh no, you hit Alfred. If you hit Alfred you go to the special hell. At  least this Alfred. Michael Caine Alfred can defend himself.

ETA12: I just commented that a scene between Batman and Robin was slashy. James said "I know you read it in secret", which is actually not true. I watched the Star Trek Tic Tok video 500 times but that wasn't in secret. I said these movies lacked any sort of meaningful Bat-Relationship between Bats and Commissioner Gordon. James said he was surprised I didn't call it a Bat-Ship. We then got into a disturbing conversation about the difference between a relationship and a ship.

We just got to the "Holey rusted metal, Batman!" joke. I screamed "DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE!" at the screen. Thank you, TVTropes.

ETA13: Time for the MAIN EVENT, Batman and Robin. Man I hope I can make it through this. I also hope I can avoid a hangover, but at this point that may be unrealistic.

Batman and Robin starts with closeups of all the Bat-Anatomy. I saw this in the theater with my mother. How did I not die of embarrassment? At least the opening joke about why Superman works alone beats the drive-thru line (which was directly connected to a Taco Bell promotion if my memory serves me), 

Me: Why is he Mr. Freeze instead of Dr. Freeze? Because he seems like the kind of guy who would never let you forget that he's a doctor.
James: He doesn't have a lid on his car this time so he doesn't get shot at.
Me: That doesn't EVEN answer my question.

ETA14: Though he never got credit for it, Clooney is miles better as Batman than Kilmer. It's just that no one could tell because the movie is so outrageously bad you can't take your eyes off it, as opposed to Batman Forever which was boring enough to sleep through. 
 
ETA15: Performances like these are why I was so shocked when Uma turned out to be a revelation in Kill Bill.

Even by this series' standards, Ahhhhnold is ridiculous.

ETA16: This is turrable. I'm going to bed. 

kellinator: (Default)
James: Whatcha thinkin' about?
Me: Something about gauge. It's not interesting.
*pause*
Me: Now I'm thinking that I love you.
*pause*
Me: Now I'm thinking about Batman.
James: You mean there's a time of day when you're not thinking about Batman?
Me: Not all the time... usually it's The Shield.
James: And Batman's different from Vic Mackey how?
Me: I'm blogging this.

dammit

Jan. 10th, 2010 08:12 pm
kellinator: (Default)
I have to buy my husband a Snuggie.*

*Technically, I don't HAVE to, but my mom gave me a fluffy new robe for Christmas and this may be the only way I can get it back. I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I know I am not the only LJer this has happened to. I won't out anybody but you know who you are and I'm thinking of you. 
kellinator: (r0x0rs by iharthdarth)
James walks in, I'm watching the ballgame, I tell him the score.

James: I know, I was listening on the radio in the car.

Me: *double-take*

James (glancing at the tv): I thought Orlando was out of timeouts.

Me: *triple-take*
kellinator: (SVU by frey_at_last)
Me: Wanna watch Law and Order: Criminal Intent?
James: Sure. Maybe it'll be a new one and you'll get interested in it again and start watching it. [Unspoken: Instead of those moronic VH1 reality shows.]
Me: The problem is I don't know when it's on.
James: Um, it's always on.

kellinator: (James and Kelly)
So James and I are discussing how my butt looks in a pair of his pants that I stole borrowed.

Me: I hate to be the one to tell you this, honey, but... I'm not really a hoochie mama.
James: I don't even know what that word means.
kellinator: (James and Kelly)
So James called me on his break at work a few minutes ago. He asked if I was checking out any of the new fall shows, and I tried to explain why I'm reluctant to get hooked on anything new since we don't have a TiVo:

Me: I just don't want to get any more shows I feel obligated to watch. That doesn't work so well with the exciting lives we lead.
James: Yeah., and it means I can play my video games!

Then we laughed for five minutes.

__________________________

Btw, lately I've actually done at least half the video game-playing in the house lately since I got addicted to Persona 3, and so far I've checked out two new shows: K-Ville, which is unfortunately a disaster for reasons I'll try to explain later, and Reaper, which I probably would have liked better if Entertainment Weekly hadn't already spoiled all the good jokes. This postscript is brought to you by Kelly's Obsession With Pop Culture.
kellinator: (James and Kelly)
We're about to go grab some Chik-Fil-A. James is half dressed.

Me: You need to put on some pants. No pants, no service.
James: No, no pants, no food. You can definitely get service without pants.
kellinator: (James and Kelly)
James and I are sitting here together on the couch, he's rubbing my leg... and we're IMing each other in Google.

I love this man.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
Me: Who are you for?
James: Huh?
Me: In the NBA playoffs. Who are you for?
James: Phoenix.
Me: Is that just because you think I'll get mad at you if you don't root for them?
James: No... you'll KILL me.
kellinator: (Munch by kimberly_a)

(as we walk out the door this morning, after I've thrown something in the slow cooker)

James: What's for dinner?
Me: Thai beef.
James: Oh yeah, and you're going to make that crazy stuff with it.
Me: It's couscous! And Meldrick Lewis likes it!
James: I don't know who that is.
Me: From Homicide! With the hat!
James: Oh, it's going to be awful.

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