I really should put on my flame-retardant suit before posting this.

[kellinator]

According to CNN, Mary Winkler, the woman who shot her preacher husband, could go free today.

I mention this mainly because something about this case has always smelled funny to me, and I've wondered why, as I have deep sympathies for those in abusive situations and absolutely no doubt that some preachers are abusive jerks and most of my friends and family felt that was exactly what happened in this case and he got what was coming to him. But there was just something about the way the abuse allegations didn't come out until she'd had time to plan strategy with her lawyers, the fact that her testimony didn't seem to match up with her original statements, that has made me wonder if the justice system got played this time around. 

I think it's that I keep coming back to one little detail, a detail that's gotten perhaps the most attention, a detail that seemed in the eyes of small-town Tennessee such an Affront to Southern Womanhood that that nasty man got what he deserved:

The stripper shoes.

Remember, there were claims of all sorts of deviant sex, and then it comes out in court that he wanted her to wear stripper shoes. Good grief, I think I had more deviant sex than that this morning. Are stripper shoes really so scarring that a request to wear them during sex can put a person in the realm of battered spouse syndrome?  

Is Tennessee really that shocked by stripper shoes? I know they have stripper shoes in Tennessee. My cousin's girlfriend wore them to my grandmother's funeral.

Comments

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

I think that depends on how degraded or humiliated she would feel wearing them. I have friends who wear 'em for fun, but I loathe them and if someone hit me till I agreed to wear them, I'd feel pretty damn degraded.

[twochicsinbham.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, degraded and humiliated is often a precursor to threatened and endangered

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

When I was 16, I told my stepfather if he ever lay a hand on mother I would kill him. He believed me. He sobered up a month later.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

It was simply the example I choose to share.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

So is claiming victimhood falsely or inappropriately. With every so called victim who gives up their personal responsibility at the drop of a hat either through weakness of character at best, or at nefarious motive at worst, the plight of people who *actually* need help get ignored in the din.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

Excuse my bluntness. Playing the victim/self defense card because you're feelings are hurt does damage to *actual* victims. Taking a life is serious business. I have no doubt there are battered women who have resorted to lethal force as a means of protecting themselves. I have no doubt "stripper shoes" does not constitute abuse.

What we have here is someone all too willing to be a victim.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

No one knows the truth of that case, who didn't actually live in that house themselves.

On that much we are agreed. What I find distressing the frequency with which people are willing to blame their actions on whatever victim status they can claim. It takes away personal responsibility, and that hurts everyone.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

It's my personal credo to look after those weaker than myself. Sometimes it means taking a punch. Sometimes it means listening. Sometimes it means telling them to get off their ass, buck up.

You are who you choose to be. By the sounds of it, you stopped choosing to be a victim, and did so without choosing to be a killer.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

You missed my initial point entirely.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is officially gotten retarded.

We agree that Crying victim, rape or abuse falsely is- in your words "despicable" I will add that it does more harm to actual victims of rape and abuse.

Now I will make my point again, before telling you to go away.

Just because your wittle feelings are hurt, doesn't mean you've sustained lasting psychological damage.

Rape means there was force, either through physical, or chemical- and no I don't mean getting drunk and bad decision. I mean *being drugged*

Abuse means to actively harm.

Okay... one more time... I'll be even less polite this time.

STOP ENABLING A GENERATION OF WOMEN TO BE SHEEP. IT DOES MORE HARM THAN GOOD.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

And yet your destructive ignorance will continue.

[polychromatic22.livejournal.com]

I agree that generally the word rape is overused, however...
Coercion does exist.
As a society, we accept that those who are in a position of authority have the ability to use coercion to sexually assault those beneath them.
It would behoove you to realize, therefore that many rapists use common instinctual tactics to assert positions of authority and then coerce.

[sophocles.livejournal.com]

See above.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

I definitely didn't say that, and please don't imply that I did. I was merely attempting to explain why that may have been mentioned at all. The article I glanced at included allegations of assault, etc.