PSA/rant

[kellinator]

There's a big problem with LJ that I think should be addressed.

LJ makes us think we know people better than we really do. Yes, we read the inner workings of each other's heads. Yes, it's very intimate. Yes, you can get to "know" someone you've never met pretty well.

But you don't know someone you've never met as well as you think you do.

I've seen this play out on LJ what seems like a million times. Someone posts about something that's going on with them -- maybe a personality flaw, maybe an unhealthy behavior, something that people close to them are concerned about. And a bunch of LJers come out of the woodwork going "no! You're perfect just as you are! If they were REAL FRIENDS, they'd understand it! They'd accept you just as you are!"

And then a real friend comes along, someone who actually knows what's going on, and posts some real, useful advice. And then the sycophants dogpile on that person, accusing them of being "mean" and "not a real friend."

Stop it. Just fucking stop it.

If you've never met a person, if you only know what's going on on LJ, then you only know a tiny part of the story. What makes you think you're more qualified to pass judgment than people who actually know the story?

Friends aren't just people who post *hugs*. A real friend will tell you when you're being a jackass, or engaging in behavior that's unhealthy. A real friend will tell you when you're making a fool of yourself.

How do I know this? Because it's happened to me. Some of the best advice I've ever received has started with the words "You're not going to like this, but..." None of us are perfect. And sometimes we need that outside perspective. If close friends of mine had sat on their hands going "well, Kelly's doing some really stupid shit but I can't tell her because she'll get mad," I would probably have kept doing really stupid shit and would probably be in a really bad place right now.

Sometimes the words you don't want to hear are the ones that mean "I love you" the most. If somebody really loves you, they won't mindlessly pat you on the head while you ruin your life.

If you want to bite the hand that's reaching out, fine. Just don't be surprised when you're left with just the imaginary friends in your computer who post *hugs*.

So, next time you start to post a "you go girl/boy! Screw them if they don't like you just the way you are!" comment, think about it before you hit that button. Do you mean it? Or are you just saying that because you think it's what you're supposed to say? Are you really helping anyone? Or are you just being an enabler?

Friendship isn't just hearts and bunnies. It's having the guts to show you really care. It's called tough love for a reason.

Comments

Re: You're kidding, right?

[christine9600.livejournal.com]

Dave, you HAVE been told. Repeatedly. I told you in explicit detail what you were doing not too long ago. Yet I see you continuing the same bad behavior. You throw excuses up and you hide behind people who will protect you. But your most offensive mistake? Assuming that none of us would be able to see through you little Minister act. I don't want to hear about your lack of social skills. You DO have social skills, otherwise you would never have been able to snow so many people initially. Unfortunately, you are also a megalomaniacal, pompus jackass who seems to think that you can talk or force his way into any pretty girl's pants. I seem to remember you blaming your obnoxious behavior on both a lack of social skills and most women's inability to give a clear "NO" signal. Please allow me to enlighten you: Your advances are NOT welcome, no matter how much you push. Your claims of needing our "help" only disgust and annoy everyone. How in god's name can you call yourself a priest? You tread dangerously close to Predator and you KNOW it. Do NOT try to claim ignorance with me or anyone else here. Sorry, Dave. We aren't buying it anymore. Move on to another group of people who do now know what you are. And when the figure it out and shun you, please remember that we all Told You So.

You seem to have dug yourself a nice little hole here. Good luck climbing back out.

*GENERAL DISCLAIMER*
I'm not speaking for everyone else here, despite my use of the word "we". However, I stand FIRMLY behind every word I've said here. This is ME speaking, not a group of people.