This hurts me more than it hurts you.

[kellinator]

Lately I've been contemplating tough love.

[Poll #388053]

Quite honestly, if you knew me two or three years ago, I don't understand why you didn't kill me or at least stop speaking to me. I needed some tough love. (And I did get some of it, for which I am grateful.)

Our impulse may be to give *hugs*, but it's not always what works. A few months ago, I was having a periodic freak-out when one of my co-workers said something I thought was really cold. At the time I was pissed. But you know, she had a point. And I think it helped me get to a much better place. I need to thank her for that sometime.

So... yeah. There are some people that I want to give some tough love to. Not because I don't care about them, but because I do. Very much. But I'm not good at this sort of stuff so I guess I'll just passively-aggressively put up a poll about it.

I'm rambling.

Comments

[gladstone.livejournal.com]

I couldn't find a way to click both options.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

I am the queen of tough love. Only sometimes, I am sure it comes across as just plain bitchy, with me, because I have a tendency towards brutal honesty. But I dunno, it's sort of worth that risk in my opinion.

[tikimama.livejournal.com]

I want to be able to click on BOTH options. But then, I think being a heartless bitch is a good thing. :P

[ilexx.livejournal.com]

i'm not voting, because you left off the option, "kinky."

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

*snrk* Now I want to friend you. :-)

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

Being a past recepient of your brand of tough love, I have to say that it's not too horrible to live through. And this is coming from Ms. Sensitive. Maybe it's partly the sweet accent, but mostly it's because you know it's coming from a good place.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

I had a hard time choosing between the options - both are correct.

You are a fabulous gal, by the way.

[moxafoot.livejournal.com]

well, my wishy-washy opinion is that it depends on the circumstance and the relationship. Some people just wouldn't be worth the effort.

[azurelunatic]

Though the "all tough love alla time" channel is the very definition of 'heartless bitch'.

[flewellyn.livejournal.com]

I think tough love is necessary in a few circumstances.

But when you hear conservatives talk about "tough love" towards, say, the poor, that's just a load of crap.

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

See "brutal honesty without brutality" on my user interests list.

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

Oh, and if you have something built up you want to lay on me, lay away. *g*

[notgruntled.livejournal.com]

Sometimes real love is in helping people fix themselves rather than watch them be broken. I'm pro-tough love, but it requires a lot of care and tact.

It's much easier to sit back and fluff a friend's self-esteem -- so much easier that it's an institutionalized policy in public schools -- but you can't fight demons you can't name, and sometimes you need a friend to call them out.

I'm sure you know how I feel about it

[not-hothead-yet.livejournal.com]

but to be public about it... there were times when I tried to give you the tough love you needed Kell, but damn you can be willful at times! (something I identify with and love about you)

At first, you weren't too keen on it, but that was most likely a result of my less-than-tactful tactics. I'm not known for being subtle or soft. But eventually, you at least admitted that I wasn't being a total bitch to you and that what I felt was worth saying had the merit of being worth pondering at some point in the future. And you DID ponder it later, didn't you?

My point is, even when you think you've been a horrible bitch about it and mucked it up to the point of "shoot why did I bother?" and the person you're trying to smack awake is just wholley pissed at you, even then, you've put a little seed of an idea. Sometimes it grows. It can be worth it.

I don't recommend being like me Ms. "Subtle-as-a-rock" as a friend of mine once called me... because well I only get away with it becuase everyone knows I'm a total putz about trying to be gentle.

Tough love is still love.