Latest edition of Unsent Letters

[kellinator]

Dear Mark Cuban,

If you trade my future husband Steve Nash to the collection of whiners and drama queens commonly known as the Los Angeles Lakers, I will drive, fly, or teleport to Dallas and personally beat your publicity-lovin' ass. Then I will rescue Steve from your eeevil clutches and we will ride into the sunset to have our really tall liberal babies.

Love,
Kelly

Dear Steve Nash,

Call me? Please?

Everlasting love,
Kelly

Dear Law Students,

Seriously, how fucking lazy are you if you have to take the elevator up one short measly flight of not-even-steep stairs? Even someone as well-acquainted with stress as I am doesn't think the bar can stress you out so much that you forget what your legs are for.

Love,
Kelly

Dear Law Firms,

Let me repeat myself again: We are a non-profit educational institution. Despite your stubborn beliefs to the contrary, we are not your personal Barnes and Noble.

Love,
Kelly

Dear ABC,

Regarding your cancellation of Karen Sisco, all I have to say is fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Oh, and fuck you.

No love,
Kelly

Comments

[faithellen]

Dear Kelly,

ABC gets a dual "fuck you" from me -- one for Karen Sisco, and (as my local Jeopardy affiliate is an ABC station) for showing a version of J! in which you didn't emerge victorious.

How much does it suck that you had to face Ken? At the 2003 TOC, we saw Brian Weikle before his games aired, and damned if that didn't make everyone's self-confidence shrivel up and go home. (As the alternate, I didn't find out ANYTHING until the very last quarterfinal game was taped and I was allowed to watch -- and was very grateful I hadn't been called on to play after all).

But word has it you were a Great Big Genius, and kudos to you for that!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Thank you! You're too kind! :)