Well, that was weird.

[kellinator]

Well, that was a weird weekend.

The funny thing is, nothing "weird" per se actually happened. In fact, it was actually a very sedate weekend. Just... it felt weird. Like, thinking too much about too much stuff that I didn't really want to think about.

Have you ever got to thinking, what's really you? The real you, not the you that acts that way because your parents told you to or people expect you to or you think people expect you to. Like, who the hell am I? Sometimes I think I have a good idea, sometimes I don't know. I usually think being compulsively nice is just a part of my personality, but what if it's just an act to get people to like me, an act I've been doing for so long that I've internalized it to the point where it's a subconscious act?

I think my brain just exploded.

Someone told me I'm the most insecure person she's ever met. I wonder if that's part of my personality too?

Comments

[astrophysicat.livejournal.com]

If it's making your head explode, I'd say you're thinking about it too hard.
You are responsible for your actions, even though your environment influences how you act and think. I like to think that I am what I'm like when I'm most comfortable. And this is true to the extent that I am working on making myself more comfortable in every situation, either by changing my attitudes or my actions, or by caring less about other's opinions when necessary.

Right now, you are insecure, and you are nicer than you can afford to be. Both are in your current personality, but people do change, or can change, and if you examine why you act nice even at the expense of your own frustration, then maybe you'll figure out someway to avoid it. But it would take some digging to sort out your influences that make you act like that.

But, I'm getting away from my point. My point was, you are being way way way too hard on yourself! Relax take a step back, accept a couple flaws in yourself, at least for a little while, it won't kill you.