kellinator: (brood)
[personal profile] kellinator
I've been thinking lately that the reason so many marvelously suckalicious things happen to me is because I expect them to.

Ever seen Red Dwarf? If not, you should. Go watch it now and then come back and read the rest of this post. If you have (and that's all of you now, because I just know that you all do exactly what I tell you to!) then remember the episode "Better Than Life"? The crew is playing this awesome virtual reality game called Better Than Life, where you can have all your wildest desires come true. At first things are great, as you'd expect, but then the crew members find themselves in danger because even in a virtual reality paradise, Rimmer imagines bad things happening to him. That's me. When my mind wanders, it frequently takes me into worst-possible-case scenarios. Most days I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I would love to follow through on [livejournal.com profile] metaphorge's advice and practice perfectly positive thinking, but there are two problems:

1). I don't know how;

2). More importantly, I'm not sure if I can let myself. You know what my bio page says? "Her mission in life is to make the bad things funny." That's what I do. I bitch. And the only reason I get away with it as much as I do is I attempt to do it in an amusing manner. [livejournal.com profile] atomicnumber51 would have hung up on me and banished me to Too Lame For Hogwarts if I didn't do my bitching so snarkily.

I'm not Little Miss Mary Fucking Sunshine. And even if becoming her would solve all my problems, would I still be me?

Re:

Date: 2003-06-09 10:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kellinator.livejournal.com
Thanks so much for posting this. I think you're right; I am hiding behind the snark. And at a certain point it drives people away.

I don't know what's going to change it... Maybe I'll get a notebook and every night write five good things about the world and five good things about myself. You think it'll help?

Date: 2003-06-09 11:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lac.livejournal.com
First off...I love that you mention Red Dwarf by the way, I love RD.

I think that's a good start, absolutely. If you have to sit down and think about it, after awhile...it should become a lot easier for you. But you can't qualify it with...XYZ Is good, but ABC, which is connected is bad. If it's good, it's good. I just started to concentrate on the positive things in my life...friends, working with the kitties, etc and it really changed my attitude about a lot of things.

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