Your feelings all make perfect sense to me so far, Kellinator. Not that I can claim to be a model of sanity, stability, or normalcy. *wry grin* But, for what it's worth, I think it must be natural to feel what you're feeling. Your grandmother kept her mental faculties long enough for you to get to know her well (better than I got to know mine). And, she's the grandmother you get your snark from. Of course it's hard to say goodbye to her. Who can blame you, now that you've braced yourself to do that, if you don't want to have to brace yourself for it again? *BIG HUG*
And you love your grandmother, so it's natural that you want her to recover only if she'll have a life worth living. She hasn't had that in some time, from the sound of things. You love your mother, too, and want her to have a life outside of tending to your grandmother. That's natural too, especially since your mother's mental faculties are still intact and thus she could enjoy being alive more than your grandmother can.
Please don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do. You don't deserve that. All you've done is love your mother and grandmother, and accepted that it can't be long until you must grieve the loss of the latter. None of that is wrong.
In fact, from where I'm sitting, you sound like an absolutely wonderful person, Kellinator. Your mother and grandmother have been so very lucky to have you! :-)
And, again for whatever it's worth, my offer still stands: you're welcome to phone me if you need to talk to a friend who's been through much the same thing, or if you need a distraction we could go out for coffee or a movie or something. If I can help in any way, just let me know, okay?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2003-01-28 09:11 pm (UTC)And you love your grandmother, so it's natural that you want her to recover only if she'll have a life worth living. She hasn't had that in some time, from the sound of things. You love your mother, too, and want her to have a life outside of tending to your grandmother. That's natural too, especially since your mother's mental faculties are still intact and thus she could enjoy being alive more than your grandmother can.
Please don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do. You don't deserve that. All you've done is love your mother and grandmother, and accepted that it can't be long until you must grieve the loss of the latter. None of that is wrong.
In fact, from where I'm sitting, you sound like an absolutely wonderful person, Kellinator. Your mother and grandmother have been so very lucky to have you! :-)
And, again for whatever it's worth, my offer still stands: you're welcome to phone me if you need to talk to a friend who's been through much the same thing, or if you need a distraction we could go out for coffee or a movie or something. If I can help in any way, just let me know, okay?
*many hugs*