Actually, something occurs to me... there are different types of flirting. There's deliberate goal flirting where you want to get off with someone, and there's casual flirting where you just want a bit of interest for a little while but it's just part of the usual social thing. The latter is pretty harmless, I don't mind if my girlfriend does it (which she does) and I do it myself.
Anyway, I think the important things are:
1. "I'm interested in you, but I'm not desperate". You express interest through little things like eye contact, fleeting physical contact depending on the situation, taking an interest in what they're saying. But there always has to be the sense that you might disappear if they don't do anything about it, otherwise they don't try and it's no fun. So if they're starting to move off the topic of you, impressing you or concentrating on you, you start mentioning or implying other alternatives, but always leave them an easy way back in.
2. "I'm going to make you feel good for talking to me, so you want to talk to me again." People like talking about themselves, usually, so you listen to them and display that what they have to say it interesting to you ("tell me more about the Lord Of The Rings", "that's a really interesting thing to say" etc). If they like to listen to you instead, you have to go on about yourself and prove you're fascinating, which is harder work and usually not worth it.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2003-01-24 05:17 pm (UTC)Anyway, I think the important things are:
1. "I'm interested in you, but I'm not desperate". You express interest through little things like eye contact, fleeting physical contact depending on the situation, taking an interest in what they're saying. But there always has to be the sense that you might disappear if they don't do anything about it, otherwise they don't try and it's no fun. So if they're starting to move off the topic of you, impressing you or concentrating on you, you start mentioning or implying other alternatives, but always leave them an easy way back in.
2. "I'm going to make you feel good for talking to me, so you want to talk to me again." People like talking about themselves, usually, so you listen to them and display that what they have to say it interesting to you ("tell me more about the Lord Of The Rings", "that's a really interesting thing to say" etc). If they like to listen to you instead, you have to go on about yourself and prove you're fascinating, which is harder work and usually not worth it.