Who are you and what the hell did you do with my mommy?!

What's better than getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes?

Getting an email forward chock-full of sex and drug jokes from your mom.

I mean, how the hell am I supposed to pretend I don't get all these jokes when my mom's the one sending them to me? We're the family in denial. My brother goes in his room with his girlfriend and they turn out the lights and get under the covers and set the freakin' alarm and my parents at least pretend to believe that they're "taking naps." (And yes, hell would freeze over before they would let me get away with that because I'm a gir-rl. Don't even get me started on the double standards in my family, I'll never shut up.)

I've spent years trying to sound like I don't know anything about this stuff! ptwarhol's under standing orders that if I'm killed in a plane crash, he's supposed to get his ass over to my place and get rid of the condoms and vibrators before my parents show up! How the hell am I supposed to maintain my plausible deniability?

...On the other hand, does this mean now I can talk about sex with my mom? Because if she didn't have a heart attack or call me a slut, that would be pretty cool.

*barfs*

By the way, I'm going to figure out which one of you fuckers asked for this and then I'm going to beat you with a stick.