Kellinator Jones and the Temple of Snark

May the Cod of Machined Objects strike The Car promptly and with great power to the following effects: May the car suffer great rehabilitation and repair, denying its attempts to escape its servitude to the Kellinator; May the individual parts and pieces of The Car be made to function despite any attempt towards failure on their part; May the wheels of The Car bear the Kellinator safely towards good fortune despite any ill-will inherent in The Car or imposed upon it by any outside influence; May the cherubs of Small Intricate Plastic Things keep each item in its proper place, shape and purpose despite any stresses they may suffer in the course of pursuing their duties; and May The Car become humbly repentant and resume its proper duties toward the Kellinator, its Designated Driver, or any other individual to whom The Kellinator voluntarily gives its keys in custody. And should any individual take The Car or its keys without the express and voluntary permission of the Kellinator, may the God of Machined Objects and the servant cherubs thereof smite The Car with all its current repair issues until it stops sobbing by the side of the road, trapping the thief within to the detriment of the sanity of the thief(s) thereof, and the malicious amusement of Kellinator,God and Cherubs respectively.