As I understood it, the whole point of "The Rules" was to combat the masses of women who fervently want to find Mr Right and engage in "desperate" actions/tactics that don't work to "snare" him.
The fact is, as just about any man will tell you, calling someone constantly, focusing all your attention on someone as if he were the most incredible creature in the room, gabbing incessantly about yourself and your problems and basically acting as if you NEED this person is nothing but a turn-off. The fact is, LOTS of women project an air of "I NEED you" when dating a man and are ready to give themselves over totally very early in the relationship. "The Rules" was a simplistic way of dealing with this problem. As I said, the philosophy is "Fake it til you make it" meaning if you can't BE happy without a man, at least ACT happy without a man and eventually you'll find your self BEING happy without a man and thus a decent man will be attracted to you because you are a complete person. Any woman who is self-assured and complete in and of herself doesn't need "The Rules" and I believe they state that quite clearly in the beginning of the book. Like it or not, there's still LOTS of women who have not gotten to that point yet. They are the ones who need to be coached and guided towards having a more fulfilling life before "getting" a man. The book was written with them in mind. It teaches insecure women how to get to a place of self-assuredness by enticing them with the promise of finally landing a good man. Deceit? I suppose you could call it that, but what do you suggest a women inculcated with the notions of "you are nothing wihtout a man" do to get over that notion? Go to counselling until she's "better"? Most people don't want to wait that long to be ready for a decent relationship. Pretending to be a self-assured person (someone with confidence and decent self-esteem) eventually gets to you BE someone with self-assuredness and self-esteem. Maybe you don't need that kind of coaching; good for you. Lots of women DO need it though, as sad as that is. I did not NEED "The Rules" at all but I found it nice that someone wrote it.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: congratulations!
Date: 2004-09-30 05:21 am (UTC)The fact is, as just about any man will tell you, calling someone constantly, focusing all your attention on someone as if he were the most incredible creature in the room, gabbing incessantly about yourself and your problems and basically acting as if you NEED this person is nothing but a turn-off. The fact is, LOTS of women project an air of "I NEED you" when dating a man and are ready to give themselves over totally very early in the relationship. "The Rules" was a simplistic way of dealing with this problem. As I said, the philosophy is "Fake it til you make it" meaning if you can't BE happy without a man, at least ACT happy without a man and eventually you'll find your self BEING happy without a man and thus a decent man will be attracted to you because you are a complete person. Any woman who is self-assured and complete in and of herself doesn't need "The Rules" and I believe they state that quite clearly in the beginning of the book. Like it or not, there's still LOTS of women who have not gotten to that point yet. They are the ones who need to be coached and guided towards having a more fulfilling life before "getting" a man. The book was written with them in mind. It teaches insecure women how to get to a place of self-assuredness by enticing them with the promise of finally landing a good man. Deceit? I suppose you could call it that, but what do you suggest a women inculcated with the notions of "you are nothing wihtout a man" do to get over that notion? Go to counselling until she's "better"? Most people don't want to wait that long to be ready for a decent relationship. Pretending to be a self-assured person (someone with confidence and decent self-esteem) eventually gets to you BE someone with self-assuredness and self-esteem. Maybe you don't need that kind of coaching; good for you. Lots of women DO need it though, as sad as that is.
I did not NEED "The Rules" at all but I found it nice that someone wrote it.