Movie snark

[kellinator]

Dear Hollywood,

If you can't make good comic-book movies, you shouldn't make them at all.

Love,
Kelly

This unsent letter was inspired by the morning DJs reporting that the latest casting news on the potential Superman movie is... Beyonce as Lois Lane.

Uh... NO. Not just no, but HELL NO.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I liked Beyonce just fine in the last Austin Powers movie. However, Beyonce was smart enough to pick, for her movie debut, a part that called for her to look good and have attitude and not much else. But Lois Lane? All I can hear in my head is "I'm Lois Lane and I'm a whole lotta woman!!"

Whatever happened to the good ol' days when actors were actors and singers were singers? I mean, we all know how well it turned out for Mariah Carey (can you say "straight to video", boys and girls?).

And that's not even the worst part about this supposed movie.

Playing Lex Luthor, Johnny Depp. Okay, that doesn't suck. That has potential.

Some British guy playing Superman. Okay, okay, there's a grand tradition of casting Brits to play very American roles (Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara, for example). But I have a feeling even Garth Ennis would object to this. (Ennis has said Superman's the one and only superhero he'd be interested in writing, and if you've read The Pro or Superman's appearance in Hitman, you might understand why. I think Ennis, for all his near-relentless cynicism, is interested in the idea of Superman because he's purely a good guy. But I digress.)

And worst of all... McG as the director. Yeah. That McG. Music videos and Charlie's Angels.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE SUPERMAN COOL!!!! Superman ISN'T cool!! He's a Boy Scout!! It's part of his charm!! Have you people never read a comic book?!

...Oh yeah, of course they haven't. They're movie execs.

Comments

[stevietee.livejournal.com]

I also heard this morning:

Morgan Freeman as Commissioner Gordon in the new Batman.

[jdotmi.livejournal.com]

Beyonce is old news, and was never a real possiblity, so says Ain't it Cool News (http://www.aintitcoolnews.com).

But, yeah, the rest of it is just... *rolls eyes in Hollywood's general direction*

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=16903

Hmmm.

[scarcrest.livejournal.com]

Well, as long as they make sure to toss in some polar bears and giant spiders, all the rest of that stuff won't really matter. ;)

[fallencathedral.livejournal.com]

Reading that makes me want to burn Hollywood to the ground...all of it!

[blondeheroine.livejournal.com]

I think that Beyonce thing is crap. I also don't really believe it because IMDB printed it in their "celebrity news" and most of that is tabloid reprints.

That being said, The Catwoman movie is going to piss me right off. The costume looks like crap, she has superpowers (?!?) and Halle Berry. Enough said.

Spiderman was done so well. Of course they had to go and fuck up all the rest. We hates them.

[wolvy]

All of this makes my head hurt, but what about Hugh Jackman as superman?

I think they should go with all unknowns and only promise some cameos by the big dorky superstars.

[becala.livejournal.com]

So. Glad. That Neil has been picky about doing a Sandman/Endless movie. I'm still angry about freaking Keanu Reeves as John Constantine. *cries*

[unclemilo.livejournal.com]

I don't know why WB is working so hard to drive DC into the ground.

I'm a big fan of the "Birds of Prey" comic... and I was very pissed off that the WB show had NOTHING to do with the book... not one character... not one plot point.... and it sucked and it got cancelled.

They have kept the Batman animated series from being in the realm of prime time, where it should have been and they fired their best writer for the show.

Aside from that BULL that you're talking about with Superman, they also want to do a Cat Woman movie with Halle B. (however you spell her damn name) and they said it won't have anything to do with the Batmna franchise

WTF?

AUGH!
AUGH!
AUGH!
AUGH!
AUGH!

[ermyx.livejournal.com]

ACtually, in teh good old days, Actors could sing, dance, and often fence or else had some other skill that allowed them to play a multitude of rolls on film and stage. These days, you're lucky if your movie actor has done any stage or television work.

Frankly, I applaud any actor who tries his hand at another creative outlet. I think Americans are stupid, in general, for judging someone's creative talent by the first one they become known for.

John Tesh? AMAZING composer and piano player. He'll NEVER sell a million copies of any of his CD's here because of the fact that most people won't see him as anyone but "that guy from Entertainment Tonight".
David Hasselhoff? Plenty of singers today are WORSE than him and have long standing careers. Why's he only famous in Germany and Japan and not here then? Michael Knight. Even during his Baywatch days, people kept making talking-car jokes.

On the other hand, did you ever see The Wiz? AMAZING production, that movie. And not a single singer in that movie hwo had a previously existing career as an singer got anywhere with an acting career, even though they tried. I think Cher and Barbra Streisand are much rarer precedents than they should be, and I think they both deserve every theatrical and musical award they've ever gotten, because they're both excellent at both.

I'm somewhat excited about Beyonce as Lois Lane. I want to see if she's got the chops to be a real actress or not. I'm hoping she kicks ass at both.

-elf-

[sleepinbeauty.livejournal.com]

Oh geez. I've also found out they're making a movie out of Alan Moore's Watchmen. I weep for you and for myself. Beyonce. Beyond belief.