Sep. 13th, 2006

kellinator: (thinking too much by tresca)
I feel kind of funny making this post. I'm not sure why. I'm not even really sure why I'm writing it out, other than I'm doing it for myself.

Remember back in the day, in 2002, back in the dark ages before every washed-up celebrity got their own reality show? The Anna Nicole Show was one of the first. And I used to watch it. (In fact, I used it for workout inspiration. You can see how well that stuck.) It was a wacky, garish spectacle seemingly populated by cartoons who'd been mainlining caffeine and/or prescription drugs. It was wacky turned up to 11.

And then there was Anna Nicole's son Daniel.

Daniel looked like an average teenager who really liked Nirvana, but he sure didn't act like most of the teenagers I've known. He mainly stood out for being clearly the only sane person involved in any of this. He was very quiet and generally impervious to the insanity that surrounded him, and he was very gentle with his mother. You know, I'm not saying you can get a real sense of a person from reality TV, but he really struck me as a basically decent person in a really difficult situation -- I had a feeling, what with all of Anna Nicole's well-documented eccentricities (at best, addictions at worst), he'd had to be the parent in this relationship pretty much all of his life. He seemed like he'd had to grow up way too soon, but amazingly, he didn't seem to blame his mother for it, just accepted her for who she was. I remember one episode where he was very gingerly trying to tell her he didn't want to be on the show anymore, and I remember thinking about how rough it must have been on him, being in the middle of an out-of-control media circus. It didn't seem like who he was at all.

You've probably heard (because we Americans love our celebrity sleaze -- non-Americans, I don't know what your excuse is) that Daniel died in Anna Nicole's hospital room in the Bahamas over the weekend while he was visiting her and his newborn sister. Apparently of suspicious causes. He was just 20.

I don't know what the hell happened, but odd as it is, it makes me sad. Daniel seemed like a decent kid who tried to do right by his mom and who had far too much weight on his shoulders. Maybe I've been watching too much TV, but he deserved better.
kellinator: (gaming)
Dear Guy at the Venture Brothers Panel Who Would Not Shut Up with His Mediocre Observations that He Thought Were Brilliant,

You know that part in the Venture Brothers panel where you started ranting about "that character was an orphan, because in one of the later episodes of Captain Planet he told the story about how his parents died"? I can't decide whether it's worse that you knew that, or that you spouted it in a Venture Brothers panel. Anyway, just for that, you deserve to never ever get laid again. Actually, I'm not so sure about the "again," as it would imply you'd gotten laid before.

STFU, n00b,
Kelly

Dear Amateur "Musician",

See the crowd of people listening to the professional musicians? They paid a lot of money to come here and hear these musicians. Which is why they are called professional musicians. They did not pay a lot of money to come here and hear you. But if you don't stop banging on your damn drum while I'm trying to listen to the Brobdingnagian Bards, I'm going to give some kid five bucks to steal your drum. If the Bards wanted you to perform with them, they would invite you up on stage. They haven't, so try and remember the manners your mama gave you and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

STFU, n00b,
Kelly

Dear Chick on the Escalator Wearing the "These Are Not the Breasts You're Looking For, Move Along" T-shirt,

I'm sorry, but in case you haven't noticed, you're flat as a board. You don't get to wear that shirt. Pass it over here and let me show you how it's done.

STFU, n00b,
Kelly

Dear Hilton Family,

What the hell is up with those notes in the bathroom asking me if I really need a clean towel every day? At these prices, you bet I do. Stop trying to make me feel guilty, I'm not the one responsible for Paris.

STFU, rich n00bs,
Kelly

Dear Hyatt,

I know you love us more than the other hotels because you get us a crossing guard.

Love,
Kelly

Dear James,

I'm sorry I didn't actually manage to wear the fairy costume. But look on the bright side -- Halloween's next month!

Love,
Kelly

Dear Dragon*Con,

You make me poor, sick, and inebriated. How I love you.

Love,
Kelly

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