This can't be normal.

[kellinator]

I was just wondering how much longer I can possibly be this depressed and what it's going to take for me to snap out of it. I've taken my antidepressants, been to therapy (individual and group), and, as best as I can tell, done everything you're supposed to to deal with this. So why can't I beat it?

I've been thinking about "checking out" as I term it a lot lately. I just feel so rotten and I don't know how to fix it. I keep trying, I keep trying, I've done everything I can think of, and I feel like I'm fresh out of ideas. I'm beating my head against a brick wall, so is it any surprise that I've got a headache?

(And by the way, if anyone responds to this with "oh, you think you have it bad? well listen to the week I've had. Z didn't return my phone call and Y didn't compliment me on my new clothes and...." I intend to find the nearest sharp implement and do something creative with it. You've been warned. Like you'd care.)

Comments

[morven.livejournal.com]

Oh Kelly. I'm sorry you are feeling crumby. Would you like to hang out some time next week? I don't claim to know what to do, but if you'd like some diversion time I'd love to chat or go somewhere or something. I've been too busy to hang out anywhere for the last week or two but that will be over as of this weekend.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Hey... that sounds really nice. Thanks, angel -- and good luck this weekend.

[whorlwind.livejournal.com]

Have you tried any sort of dopamine reacting drug hon? If you're constantly tired, feeling bad about yourself for no good reason, etc.. you might want to get on some different medication. If you tend to feel better if you over-eat, excercise, and get into romantic crushes, it could very well be a dopamine problem.

I had to tell my therapist that's what my problem was, and then they prescribed me the right medication. Otherwise they tend to assume you just have a ceratonin problem and hand out prozac as the wonder drug. Anyways it's worked wonders for me. I'm actually fairly functional now, instead of hiding at home contemplating offing myself like I used to. =)

[cosmiclola.livejournal.com]

I understand the frustation! I'm ususally pretty good at making people feel better, but I'm quite of my element lately.
I've thought much about depression. I've struggled for many years. Trying to become a better more enlightened individual. All on the hopes that if I become good enough, I will be able to just feel ok for most of the time. Depression seems like an very extreme form of self-centeredness. A sort of curse that you can't think of anyone or anything else but you, your pain.
It seems with me, that repressed anger twists itself inside my psyche and turns against me. All that rage disguises it self and suddenly it seems like a good idea to kill myself.
Sometimes it helps when I tell myself that I don't deserve that sort of punishment. I'm not that horrible of a person. I'm really angry at someone else and I shouldn't take it out on me by commiting murder.
Sometimes being able to hear someone loves and cares for me helps.

There are many people that care for you and like you just for who you are. I myself am one of those people. I hope that someday you are able to feel that love all of the time.

[polychromatic22.livejournal.com]

I don't know that it means anything sweetie, but I care lots and lots for you.