In lieu of any meaningful political commentary...

[kellinator]

Reasons I Would Make a Really Bad President:

• I would probably break the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom by jumping up and down on it.
• Cabinet meetings would be completely unproductive because I would keep interrupting the Secretary of State going "Have you guys seen that web cartoon about the end of the world? What about the Kenya one? No really, y'all have got to see this. Hey Colin, gimme your laptop..."
• In the middle of the State of the Union address, I'd invite the entire country to join me in taking a break to check our LiveJournals.
• Then I would attempt to explain major policy points by using Sifl and Olly-style sock puppets.
• Then I would say "fuck" (as in, "Saudi Arabia needs to stop fucking around with us") and get fined by the FCC.
• Insistence on being called "Madame President, Queen of Snark, There Is None Higher, Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow" not likely to win me any friends.
• Injudicious use of snark is liable to lead to nuclear war.
• If I got pissed off at heads of state from countries known for their treatment of women as second-class citizens, I'd probably make a disparaging remark about their penis size. See previous bullet point about nuclear war.
• Sending Secret Service agents to scare the poop out of people who picked on me in high school is not a legitimate use of taxpayer dollars.
• Margarita Friday crowd is likely to trash the White House.
• Hell, I'm liable to trash the White House. Say it with me: "Madame President doesn't do housework."
• Drawing moustaches on the portraits of former presidents I didn't like is not very Presidential.
• Executive order ordering Dick Wolf to make Law and Order stop sucking. (Wait. That's a reason I'd make a good President.)
• The War Room would get renamed "The Warlord Room" and would promptly be filled up with gaming terrain and my half-painted miniatures.
• Push for the "Justifiable Homicide: Needed Killin'" defense will piss off the entire judicial branch.

But on the bright side, we wouldn't waste any time on scandals from my past, because my standard answer would be "Yeah, that's me in the photo chugging a margarita and making an obscene gesture, what's your point?"

Comments

[sibylla.livejournal.com]

Can't comment. Too busy laughing my ass off.

Hell. Where's the Epoxy?

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

*blush* Thank you!

[chelona.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I needed that laugh. :) And I think it serves as a good reminder of all the ways *I* would make a bad president as well. You rock.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Glad to be of service!

[jerseygirl1.livejournal.com]

Is there really such a thing as "meaningful political commentary"????

You can also have me run through the halls yelling, bumping into various door frames and busting them.

(Love the list... very creative!)

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that would be reasons why I wouldn't make it to office, either.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Dragon Ladies unite!!

ROFL!!!

[spiritchaser1.livejournal.com]

*dies*
You have my vote!

Re: ROFL!!!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I will, of course, increase funding to Ghetto Lieberries.

[stevietee.livejournal.com]

Please run for President.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

But then... when would I have time to snark?

[bossieboots.livejournal.com]

And bring back Homicide, with Kay, sans that obnoxious new guy, and of course, MORE MUNCH.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Oh baby, you know it. That could be my campaign promise. BRING BACK HOMICIDE!! THE NON-SUCK VERSION!!

[alfabettezoupe.livejournal.com]

i think that margarita fridays would bring back a certain something reminiscent of kennedy's nude pool parties! you have my vote!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Yaaaay!!

[blistermoth.livejournal.com]

and you could have white house staff make the margaritas for Margarita Friday!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I wonder if they make good ones...

[pennyproud.livejournal.com]

I have literally laughed my ass off. Literally. For serious, my ass is somewhere in East Timor right now.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Yaaaaaay!! Should we get a homing device for it?

[dpaul007.livejournal.com]

"Madame President, Queen of Snark, There Is None Higher, Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow"

You are SO going into metaquotes.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Metaquoted? Oy vey! I'm verklempt!

You got my vote..

[spikepage.livejournal.com]

..as soon as you agree to the following.

I'm to be your Minister of Fear, and will follow you around telling ass-hats like Redneck Gamer Boy to back the fuck off.

We repaint the White House a particularly offensive hue of mediumseagreen.

Hail To The Chief gets replaced by Queen's We Will Rock You.

Re: You got my vote..

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Hail To The Chief gets replaced by Queen's We Will Rock You.

You guys definitely have my vote!

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

*stands on her chair and applauds*

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

*curtsy* Thank you!

[katyakoshka.livejournal.com]

Obviously, you're a future candidate of the wildturkeyparty. :D

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Now THAT'S a political party I can get behind!

Madame President...

[angelfirenze.livejournal.com]

Executive order ordering Dick Wolf to make Law and Order stop sucking. (Wait. That's a reason I'd make a good President.)

Oh, can I friend you? And, I have to say that I think the only thing wrong with the original Law & Order at the moment was the retirement of the King of Wisecrack in favor of the King of Spootheads. Ugh, I can't STAND Det. I Think I'm Too Damned Good for This Job and Too Damned Good for this City.

Anyway, Bobby Goren more than makes up for him. Alex Eames, too. (see my journal)

NOTE: RIP Jerry Orbach!

Re: Madame President...

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Sure! The more the merrier!

[sempereadem.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I love you too!

[ororo.livejournal.com]

Executive order ordering Dick Wolf to make Law and Order stop sucking.

Good start, that. :)

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Well, first he'll have to stop kissing Fred Thompson's ass...

(My former senator. Didn't like him then either.)

[dwivian]

I'd be glad to be your VP, just to make sure you never run the risk of assassination! You'd have my vote several times over, if I lived in Chicago.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Vote early and often!

[wyvernfriend.livejournal.com]

*Giggle* my husband was most amused too! The giggling ensued in him insiting on being read to!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Glad y'all liked it!

[virgulesmith.livejournal.com]

This made me giggle. And quite honestly, I must say, I'd like to have a president who actually paid attention to pop culture.

You know... if you were president, maybe you could dissassemble the FCC. Then you could say anything you wanted.

Well, inciting nuclear war notwithstanding.

[letter2me.livejournal.com]

I found this (original post) through metaquotes. In response to the comment above:

No disassemble! No disassemble!

sadpbmommy (who just showed her age by quoting 'Short Circuit')

[xianghua.livejournal.com]

Oooh, miniatures! What kinda miniatures?

I'm working on some Bretonnian Knights-Errant (Warhammer) for myself and some 40K stuff for guys at the game shop who are too lazy to paint.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Reaper Miniatures, mostly. They've got a great new skirmish game called Warlord that I'm trying to paint up an elf army for.

http://www.reapermini.com/

[norwegianne.livejournal.com]

But on the bright side, we wouldn't waste any time on scandals from my past, because my standard answer would be "Yeah, that's me in the photo chugging a margarita and making an obscene gesture, what's your point?"

I think that would be a reason in itself for the Americans to elect you. All that debate about personal stuff that happened 20-30-40 years ago, when kids today do far worse, must be so tedious. Some politicians that stand up for their actions wouldn't be a bad thing.

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

I'd stand up for my actions... if I could only remember them!

Seriously, I totally agree with you. (Also, I hate politicians who babble about "character" when they've got dozens of skeletons in their own closets.)

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... So far there's just margarita_fri, but you make an excellent point. When I am President, there shall be a drink for every day of the week!

[dlainef.livejournal.com]

I really really needed that laugh!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Glad I could help! *hug*

[deza.livejournal.com]

And you'd be just a Metro ride away!

[kellinator.livejournal.com]

Haven't you always wanted to have a sleepover in the Oval Office?