kellinator | Where the fuck is my Christmas spirit?

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Current Mood: out of sorts

Where the fuck is my Christmas spirit?

Which I suppose begs the question of whether a snarky bitch who says "fuck" too much is even allowed to have Christmas spirit.

I'm very fond of the holiday season. One of the reasons I love Thanksgiving so much is because it kicks off the entire Christmas season -- and what's really fun is the planning, the conspiring, the anticipation. It's why for years now, my mom and I have gotten up early the day after Thanksgiving and hit the malls. It's one of the only times that we can shop together during the holidays, which is how it got started, and now it's one of our mother-daughter traditions, and I look forward to it, even with the bitchy crowds and such.

But this year, it sucked. I don't know if we hadn't gotten enough rest or were sick or what, but it was just hardly any fun at all, and for some reason this seems to be hanging over my Christmas season a bit.

Maybe I can blame it on Santa. I've recently discovered just how expensive owning a car can be, and my mother quietly suggested that what she and Dad wanted to give me for Christmas was two new tires. I accepted quickly; I'm not an idiot, I know I need them and I appreciate the thought. But as

eaterofgodz said, the inner five-year-old is going "where's my Game Boy?" I know this is totally materialistic and immature, but it just won't be that fun on Christmas morning going "yaaay... I got tires" while my brother plays with his new digital camera. Which is what I wanted but didn't want to ask for because my dad's been mostly out of work for two years and the new factor he supposedly has a job at hasn't opened yet and it just seemed too expensive. And I'm realizing as I type this that once again, I feel resentful because my brother makes more than I do, but he lives at home in a perfect setup... no rent, no rules, and Mom feeds him most of the time and his girlfriend whenever she's over, so he can afford to do things like buy a Mustang. He's getting Mom a computer for Christmas (though it's as much for him as it is for her) and casually tells me I can throw in if I want to (after I've already bought her gifts more within my price range). I know it's not supposed to be about money. But the first season of Will and Grace on DVD looks pretty pathetic next to a computer on Christmas morning.

I've tried not to ask my parents for much. It's pride, I guess. And wanting to be helpful. In high school I worked at the public library and made hardly any money but paid for most of my granduation crap myself, without asking my parents. My brother worked at Wal-Mart and made more money but when he graduated three years later, he demanded that my parents pay for everything because he didn't want to spend his money on invitations and crap.

I don't know why I'm going on about all this now, except that my finances aren't great and I really wish I had some of the cushioning Brad's had. Like the year I was in grad school and he was working and our parents could only claim one of us on taxes so they claimed me so he could file himself and get a huge refund even though economically I was the one who needed it worse, but he put up a bigger fuss.

See? I'm part of the problem. I'm letting materialism ruin my Christmas.

I haven't put up my tree yet. I meant to Tuesday night but I had such a rotten day that I ended up spending the night on the couch eating leftover Chinese food and watching Law and Order: Extra Crispy with Michael.

Shouldn't I be in a better mood?

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You are such a good person, Kell. I can understand your frustration. And what makes it even more frustrating is that you can't lay it out for your parents the way you did here.

*hugs*

I don't consider myself a good person at all. I mean, I have my moments, but I can't compare to truly good people... like you.

*hugs*

Pssh. I'm just trying to be a good person. I'm actually quite a petty person who has to try on a daily basis to be better.

Which I suppose begs the question of whether a snarky bitch who says "fuck" too much is even allowed to have Christmas spirit.

Fuck yeah, you are allowed to have christmas spirit! :)

Seriously, Christmas is a tough time. I have asked my family to not do much for Christmas since they have already been helping me survive the unemployment, and I don't have a ton of available Christmas cash at the moment.

This is also a pretty tough time in the working world anyway as it is often crunch time leading up to the end of the year. Just hang in there. I am willing to bet the spirit shows up soon.

If it doesn't, don't get down on yourself about it. Everyone has good and not so good holidays. It just happens.

I felt better after putting up and decorating my tree.

But it still kinda bums me out to be so poor on Christmas. Ah well, counting my blessings and all that.

Well, shucks. It's also kind of a bummer that you know your gifts before the big day, too.

Sybling rivalries/jealousy is common enough. But yeah, it's hard to deal with a younger sybling who seems to get more favors.

But then again, you don't have to live with your parents, which, despite even having a good relationship with your parents, is not so fun. ;-)

When a godless communist like me has lots of Christmas spirit, anyone can! I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind people saying "Fuck" as long as they did it while loving their fellow man.

The family stuff is hard. Indenpendence is expensive--you should move home. :P Think about the value of being able to sit on your OWN couch eating food you bought while watching the show you want, on your own tv. Your brother can't have these things (which , apparently, is ok with him). It's a trade-off.

I don't think I'm getting anything for Xmas this year, and I'm struggling with it. I want things! I like things! But I'm not getting anything for people, so.

Listen to some Xmas tunes and get a tree. Or watch a Charlie Brown Xmas.

I completely empathize. My sister still lives with Dad, and she does nothing whatever. It bites sometimes. But just remember, YOU are out there, doing YOUR thing, and YOU are infinitely better than he is because you're not mooching off your parents indefinitely. Yah? Hugs to you, hun. And Merry Christmas.

I felt better after I got my tree put up, too, so maybe that will help. And I do understand that tires are very exciting. And if you'd like to kick your brother's ass, I can come help. :) Seriously, it sounds like you have good reasons for not being very Christmas-y, and I just hope you feel better soon. *hugs*

me, I'm trying to cut back on the swearing, but hey, it's who you are, and don't worry about it. You can say it as much as you want and still have Christmas spirit. I don't have much right now, because I am looking for work and my roomate just screamed at me for eating all the cookies when I only had 1 and a half (he said he brought home a dozen) and we have two other roomates as well.

I have problems being materialistic as much as I should because rather than being one of the entitlement brats out there (you aren't) I keep telling myself I'm not materialistic when really, it's that I feel I don't deserve better.

Wow. I'd better get going before I have another self-epiphany in someone else's journal :)

Putting the tree up will definitely help, Kel -- get that thing up! :)

I don't have a profound answer here - but i'm sending some of the holiday spirit your way - and hugs (tempered with lots of profanity ;-)

And I can empathize with your frustrations - all of 'em, at one time or another

I realized that I am bah humbug about this season as well. And that is weird - I have kids. But I have no money for gifts, have no energy for decorating, no spirit to share with friends.

I just want to go away for a few days & do nothing. walk, read, sleep.

ah well... I could do that if I had money.
bah
humbug

I know how you feel about the practical gifts vs the fun ones. My parents paid my ad velorum tax this year for my birthday. It was very nice of them and I really needed it, but at the same time my inner kid was like "hey! where's the fun?? huh??" which I of course felt selfish and bad for.

I once got new shocks for my car as my big-open last cause it's the best present. I was dissapointed to say the least :)

Kelli - seriously. Here's christmas spirit in a few easy steps.
1) tell the world to SHOVE it.
2) appoint one date as me-time.
3) pick a favourite pastime.
4) pick a favourite spot.
5) pick desired company.
6) Do it.
= christmas, indulgence, decadence, control over your life and loads of other things.

It does not beg the question, Kelly, it raises the question. "Begging the question" is a logical fallacy.

*runs and hides*

And yes, you can have Christmas spirit if you want. Here, take mine, I'm Jewish. I won't need it. :-)

*sending you a huge bunch of love wrapped up in gold paper*... not worth much on the open market.. but it comes from my heart.

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