kellinator (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kellinator) wrote2002-02-01 11:19 am
kellinator) wrote2002-02-01 11:19 amI wonder...
why I have such bad luck with men?
I want to know, even if the truth isn't pretty.
I want to know, even if the truth isn't pretty.
kellinator) wrote2002-02-01 11:19 am
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Don't you have your expectations of what a relationship is too high. Don't have your expectations about how good a guy you deserve be too low. That's about it.
Oh, and always remember: it's not easy. No relationship is swinging through the trees easy. You have to work on every single one. Even if both of you are completely healthy, you have to work on understanding eachother. And most people simply aren't starting out from healthy. So the reality is not only do you have to understand eachother, you have to understand yourself, both of you. You have to work on making yourself happy and not expecting someone else to do it for you. You have to realise when you're basically putting your boundaries of well being onto another person, because *nobody* is in charge of you, your life and your well-being except for you. A relationship doesn't fix the inadequacies in your life. A relationship is about sharing yourselves and your lives.
Yano, the whole not what my country does for me but what I can do for my country. Now, mind you, if your metaphorical country (partner) doesn't have the same outlook, you have some problems. Work from there. Few people go into relationships healthy. But you can emerge from them healthy, and you can emerge inside of it healthy. It's possible.
I agree with Janelle
"to find your prince you have to kiss a lot of frogs"
quit whining about the warts and pucker up!
Sounds about right :-p
Worry about a relationship when you have no other choice. Dating is about having fun - if you can't have fun (real fun, not forced fun) while dating trust me, you won't have fun when things get serious.
When you are trying to catch a fish, you don't reach for it, nor do you stay on land. You dip your hands beneath the waves, let some swim over, let some swim away, and when you have the right one that's when you take it. (That analogy also points out two other keys to dating successfully - 1) guys have the intelligence of fish, don't bother hoping they'll know better, 2) while you're staring through the waves things get distorted. Don't bother thrashing around for something that -once you really have it- isn't what you really wanted. Wait for the water to be clear for you and the rosy shades to be off before waiting for a relationship. And if you were still wrong, toss it back and jump in the river again. There isn't really a time limit to this, just have fun.)
Dating and relationships are not immune to the practice effect. The more you practice, the more you learn, and the better off Your final choice will be. Also, if you aren't having fun doing it, don't! Society is stupid, don't let it tell you what you are supposed to have to make you happy. Love stories are usually tossed in so Hollywood can stick in a cheap nipple shot.
Hmm.. actually, with the exception that what I typed was rather insane, this sounds a lot like what You used to tell Me when you were dating and i was single. Listen to yourself, you were very right! :)
Re: Sounds about right :-p
i don't really know either of you, but i think maybe Noctifer is misunderstanding Kelly's question. She wasn't asking about "dating." To me, she sounds like she's asking why she has problems in *relationships* not "dating." I think there's a big difference.
Or maybe i'm totally off base, and *i'm* misunderstanding the question. Never mind me.
(anyway, i don't think anyone really formally dates anymore. Dating was something my parents did. The whole concept of dating is going, going gone.)
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