I'm going to hell for sure this time
Jan. 24th, 2003 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kellinatorJust got off the phone with my mom. She left a message for me to call at work, so I figured something must be wrong.
My grandmother with Alzheimer's is in the hospital, in the ICU. She slipped into a diabetic coma Wednesday night, she has a urinary tract infection and pneumonia. Mom said it looked like she wasn't going to make it yesterday, but now she's getting better.
Here's the fucked-up part.
When Mom started telling me, my heart soared. My grandmother would finally be free of this, this lying in a bed not knowing who she is, unable to string a coherent sentence together or apparently understand one, waiting for a nurse to come change the sheets where she's soiled herself. My funny, sassy, word-a-find maniac granny.
And Mom would be free, too -- Mom's over at the nursing home every day and beats herself up for not spending more time there, while my asshole uncle (a preacher, go figure) breezes in once a week if we're lucky. I told her when I was home that she couldn't do it all, and she said "If I don't do it, who will?"
And then she told me she was going to pull through and my heart sank. Back to hell.
How fucked up is it that I want my grandmother to go ahead and die?
My grandmother with Alzheimer's is in the hospital, in the ICU. She slipped into a diabetic coma Wednesday night, she has a urinary tract infection and pneumonia. Mom said it looked like she wasn't going to make it yesterday, but now she's getting better.
Here's the fucked-up part.
When Mom started telling me, my heart soared. My grandmother would finally be free of this, this lying in a bed not knowing who she is, unable to string a coherent sentence together or apparently understand one, waiting for a nurse to come change the sheets where she's soiled herself. My funny, sassy, word-a-find maniac granny.
And Mom would be free, too -- Mom's over at the nursing home every day and beats herself up for not spending more time there, while my asshole uncle (a preacher, go figure) breezes in once a week if we're lucky. I told her when I was home that she couldn't do it all, and she said "If I don't do it, who will?"
And then she told me she was going to pull through and my heart sank. Back to hell.
How fucked up is it that I want my grandmother to go ahead and die?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-01-24 06:09 pm (UTC)wanting to see someone expire and wanting to see someone free of what brings them harm are 2 completely different things.
my grandmother had the same thing. i did not want her to die. i just knew that she would have not been happy with the way she was, knowing her. i still miss her. but i am glad she is not going through all that again. it was killing her inside...