kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
For all of you who have been wondering for years why I won't shut up about Steve Nash, please watch this.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
Dammit, Steve. You do not get eliminated in April. (You also do not get eliminated in June because you're not playing then in the first place, but that's beside the point.)

This sucks.

I really think Phoenix had finally gotten over the hump with the Spurs last year, but then Amare and Diaw got suspended (which is totally bullshit; this week KG got less for more) and it was like it broke their spirit and then it was just one bad break after another. One of the ESPN guys said Phoenix was the team who could not get a lucky break.

I'm going to go cry in my fruit juice now.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
Just because the season is over, doesn't mean I'm going to shut up about the NBA (or that you're going to comment on it).

First of all, I was completely amused by the trade suggestions from various sports columnists that the Lakers should trade Kobe to the Suns, because last year a co-worker asked me what did I think it would be like if Kobe and Steve Nash were on the same team, and I concocted the following scenario, which is funnier if you hold up your hands and flap them like they're sock puppets, and funnier still if you grab some yarn and tape a moptop to the hand you've designated as Nash:

Nash: Hey Kobe, I've organized a team dinner tonight after the game. Wanna come?
Kobe: Black Mamba doesn't do team dinners! *flounces off*

Just try it. Make your hand flounce. It's fun.

And then for added fun, take the moptop off your Nash hand and designate it as Raja Bell. Then proceed to beat the hell out of Kobe. (As much as I hate Kobe, I would love to see him teammates with Bell so Raja could clothesline his ass on a regular basis.)

But I for one am much more interested in the proposed trades to bring Kevin Garnett to Phoenix (he and Steve are buddies, apparently). And honestly, I think I like the idea of parting with Amare Stoudemire better than losing Shawn Marion. Is Amare more of a talent? Undoubtedly. But he's also an egomaniac who's apparently been bad for team chemistry and skipped the last team meeting of the season. I've always had a sinking feeling that Amare could at some point go Ron Artest levels of crazy, and what I'm seeing from him (including a bizarre interview where he said he'd rather have Kobe than Nash and Nash gets too much attention, leading one member of the Suns to comment "What do you expect from a guy who chooses a jersey number of one?"), isn't inspiring me to revise that opinion.

Nash. Garnett. It would be the feel-good story of the year. At least until David Stern goes off his meds again.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
I've wasted far too much time this morning trying to make a suitable David Stern macro: Im in ur league, fixin ur games. Finally I gave up and decided to just bitch about it here. 

If the Suns can't pull this out, I'm boycotting the rest of the playoffs. Not that that will really be a challenge, as the only other interesting team out West (the Warriors) has already been eliminated and the entire Eastern Conference is really just a long way of saying "sleeping pill." Actually, you guys would probably like that, as then I would probably stop posting about the NBA ad nauseum.

Come on, Steve. Don't make me look like an idiot for telling everyone I know that you're going to find a way out of this.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
Dear Steve Nash,

Wow. I am so sorry I doubted you, Steve My Man. At some point during the regular season I looked at you looking pissed on the TV and promptly told James, "The Suns are going to win it all this year, because Steve Nash is PISSED." I'm sorry I forgot about that for a while this week. What you did Monday night was freakin' spectacular. And even though that asshat David Stern has screwed the Suns, I know you're going to find a way to pull it out tonight. Go Suns!

Love love love,
Your Number-One Crazy Obsessed Fan

PS -- I never thought I'd see you go after another player, but when you tried to take Robert Horry's head off? Totally hot.

Dear Robert Horry,

Wow, what a shame. You had like the best current nickname in the NBA -- Big Shot Bob -- and you had to go and change it to Cheap Shot Bob, which let me tell you doesn't sound nearly as cool. Plus, you tried to turn Steve Nash into Canadian bacon. Therefore, in addition to being a thug on general principle, you're a thug who tried to kill my basketball boyfriend, which means I double don't like you. Pbbbbthp. 

No love,
A Basketball Fan (and Somewhat Rabid Fangirl)

Dear San Antonio Spurs,

Wow. I've given you the benefit of a doubt for a long time because you used to be pretty classy, but now I'm with Amare. Dirty!

Go take a bath or something,
Not Amused

Dear David Stern,

Wow. You used to be the official Best Commissioner In Sports, but I'm starting to think you just got lucky hanging on to Bird, Magic, and Jordan's coattails. You've been getting increasingly erratic and draconian over the past few years, and now you've allowed the Spurs to play you, or is it pay you? And what do you have against the Suns anyway? All they ever did to you was make basketball interesting again and make your ratings go up. Are you actually trying to kill the NBA? Because I remember who watched the last Spurs-Pistons finals: NO ONE. I POOP ON YOU.

If I had a cock, I'd tell you to suck it,
Pissed, and Not Just Because I Like the Suns

Dear Eastern Conference,

Wow. You are boring. Like, watching the paint dry boring. I guess you guys must be in a hurry to get the games over with so you can go home and watch the real playoffs. 

Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn,
An Irritated East-Coaster

Dear Kobe,

Wow. You have nothing to do with the playoffs at this point, but I just wanted to let you know I still hate you.

No love,
Laker-Hater and Proud of It
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
The sports media has righteously pissed me off in the past couple of days by carrying on like Phoenix got blown out of the gym by the Spurs in game 1. Phoenix barely lost, and I still say they wouldn't have if they just could have gotten Steve Nash's nose to stop bleeding. Jeez, how often do two point guards bump into each other and come out looking like boxers? And Steve had that blood gushing out of his nose and still hit the game-tying three. And then tried to run back out on the court -- never mind what his coach said -- with the blood gushing. Tell me that's not an MVP.

Marc Stein and company are carrying on like all is over because Steve called out his teammates. No. Steve smells blood. Steve is pissed as hell that he got kept out of the end of the game and he's going to make San Antonio pay. The Spurs have championships. They're old, they're tired, and they're bored. And Steve is hungry.

I saw it on his face walking into the gym with all those stitches in his nose. Oh, Steve! Let me kiss it and make it better!
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
Because I need a little distraction, I'm going to try a little experiment tonight: Liveblogging the Suns/Lakers game.

Oh yeah, and I'm going to be drinking while I do it. I thought about taking a swig every time Kobe takes a shot, but I don't really want to give myself alcohol poisoning.

10:47 PM: One of the announcers just said this game was about the Lakers' "competitive spirit and energy." It should be a short game then.

10:48: James on Kobe's foul: "That's not a good way to start the game." Also, he looked up from his video game long enough to announce the Suns' uniforms are ugly.

 10:50:  Suns lead 11-0. What were they saying about competitive spirit and energy?

10:52: "Kobe cannot worry about the psyche of his teammates." Hey, why would he start now?

10:56: Missed the past four minutes because I misplaced my drink, stood up to look for it, and accidentally kicked it over. And I was still sober when I did this. Maybe this whole thing wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

11:05: Steve is so cute when he chews on his lip like that. Man, why did I think this would be a good game for my first liveblog? It's just going to turn out like Game 2 did and by halftime I'll have nothing to write about besides how many ways can I say "Kobe suuuuucks."

11:09: Never mind me. What will the announcers be talking about by midnight?

11:11: AIR-BALL!! AIR-BALL!!

11:14: "The Suns have now won seven consecutive quarters." I think TNT has a supercomputer dedicated to spitting out meaningless basketball stats.

11:18: Now the announcers are going on about how Kobe must be getting frustrated. Hey, he was the one who wanted to be The Man.

11:20: James: "What's wrong?" Me: "I can't think of anything interesting to write."

11:22: "The Lakers are trying to stay in this series." Not very hard.

11:23: "The Lakers have never been swept in the first round." James: "Well, they're about to be."

11:26: The only way I could give a shit about Jack Nicholson's birthday cake is if Duff from Ace of Cakes made it. Duff = TEH SEX.

11:27: They just said Phil Jackson was reminding Kobe that "great players make their teammates better." I truly think Phil is trying to give Kobe a nervous breakdown.

11:32: Katie objects to my liveblogging because she's trying to sleep on the mousepad.

11:36: James wants to use the computer and my liveblogging is pretty damn lame and nobody else on my flist care about the NBA anyway, so I hereby declare this liveblogging a failure. If anyone needs me, I'll be getting my drink on.
kellinator: (Steve Nash by __lovenhate)
I am such a fangirl. This morning I seriously considered sending a get-well-soon card to Steve Nash.

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